"Do you have kids?" - "Thankfully, no."
By @edent
· childfree NaBloPoMo · 4 comments · 250 words · read ~1,087 times.
One of the hardest things to do is shut up someone who is well-meaning. I have a lovely colleague who, almost every time I see him, asks if I have kids. He's not malicious, just forgetful.
If I say "no", I get "Well, plenty of time yet!" or "When you do..." or "Why not?" or any number of comments.
In the childfree community, we call these "bingos". Because, after a while, you start to mentally stamp a card like this: 
Other variants are available.
I am childfree by choice. Emphatically not childless.
Because some people don't take "no" as a complete sentence, I've tried several different strategies for getting people to stop pressing the point.
- "I don't want them." Just leads you open to bingos.
- "None of your business." Bit rude. It is, after all, a fairly normal question. Just annoying when you've answered it multiple times per day.
- "We can't have kids." A lie - and often leads to well-meaning advice about infertility.
- "I don't like talking about my sex life at work." High risk but usually causes an embarrassed silence in which to change the subject.
In the end, the only one which I've found works is "thankfully, no." It lets them know that I am happy with my decision and doesn't give them much room to argue.
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Haha! Brilliant post! I wouldn’t want to swap my little terrors for anything but would never dream of imposing my life choices on anyone else…
Oh don’t even. Being brown there’s an additional ruffle to this of “wait, isn’t it part of your culture/religion/whatever background I’ve conveniently filled in for you?”
People who have kids sometimes say they're not selfish - ok, but their genes are.
It's a terrible question: never mind questioning someone's choices, which are their decision, you can also be reopening what has been and continues to be a very traumatic experience for those that wanted them but couldn't. So if you ask and someone says no, just leave it at that.