It's my birthday! Therefore it marks the end of another year of me hurtling around Earth's yellow sun. So, as is customary, here's my year in review. I'm not really sure what happened to the last year. As the philosophers once said, "the years start coming and they don't stop coming". The biggest personal item was snapping a tooth and the long journey to getting implants. I've had my head drilled, and now I'm just awaiting for the crowns. I haven't read as many books as I wanted - fewer than …
Continue reading →
Being the further and various adventures of The Guerrilla Infrastructure Team - a renegade bunch of digital anarchists and freedom fighters who mostly just wish things were slightly better and who would stop at nothing to find convoluted technical solutions to complex social problems. Their manifesto (such as it was) had paragraphs about the correct way to drink Club Maté nestled next to opinionated screeds about the proper use of tabs in various programming languages. They weren't hired …
Continue reading →
It isn't true that Vampires only live in the dark. Yes, we are obligate nocturnal, but we've always been surrounded by artificial light. In fact, we thrive on the pinpricks of illumination that pierce the night. The long shadows of a fire are our hunting grounds, flickering candles our playthings, a gas lamp was like a disco-ball. Oh! I remember discos! Random flashes of lights in a variety of ridiculous colours! We look our best when we're only half seen. All those sweaty little rooms…
Continue reading →
The scream of a hundred days drew to a close and silence covered the land. The choir of villagers were delirious with exhaustion. Some of them had been at the chant for a week without sleep in order to draw God ever closer. The last few months had been spent screaming in a foreign tongue and the sudden absence of noise felt oppressive. The choir collapsed in a tangled heap onto the threadbare ground, the last of their ululations spent in service of a higher purpose that at least half of…
Continue reading →
If you've found this page, it's because you are me in the future and want to remember these instructions! Create an account on the Fediverse using a domain you control For example @user@bots.example.com Follow the Fediverse-ATProto bridge @bsky.brid.gy@bsky.brid.gy Your account will need to be over 2 weeks old and have a name, profile picture, etc. You now have an account on BSky! Its name will be something like user.bots.example.com.ap.brid.gy Get the DID of your account …
Continue reading →
"The electric tongue says the soup needs more salt." "It got more salt!" Mothers and daughters have been bickering about seasoning ever since the stone age. One person's "too salty!" is another person's "you call that flavour?!" It is amazing kitchen knives are only ever rarely used to dispatch a disobedient daughter-in-law or to remind a nagging matriarch that she's overstepping the mark. The electric tongue was supposed to solve all of those petty disagreements. When it was first…
Continue reading →
I spend every day crying for men I've only just met. Way back when, the selling of emotions was a complex affair. My grandmother was a lust seller - although she wouldn't have described herself like that. Bedecked in feathers and fake jewels, she gyrated on celluloid. She's in the background of that Monroe film, showing off her legs in a Hay's Code Compliant manner. Enough to titillate without getting anyone in trouble. Half a century later, someone figured out how to sell anger and outrage.…
Continue reading →
Finding the root cause of an incident will always come to a dead-end at some point. We can use various investigatory techniques to ascertain why a part failed or who installed it incorrectly, but that doesn't get to the heart of the systemic failures which led us here today. This has been a time-consuming (and some would say futile) effort, but I believe this sort of analysis is vital. Here is everything we know so far. 23:42 - A weather station near the mouth of The Thames Logging data…
Continue reading →
As you may have read, BotsIn.Space is closing down, I have lots of automated bot accounts living on the Fediverse - and I want them to continue posting. Installing and maintaining an entire Mastodon instance sounds like hard work. Paying people to host my stuff feels like putting my fate in someone else's hands. Say… didn't I write my own ActivityPub server? Why, yes! Yes I did! I took the code and stripped it down to the bare essentials. All you need to do is upload two files - index.php a…
Continue reading →
The AI was getting increasingly stressed. The lights flickered as it failed to retain its calm. "I just need you to watch the video again! Please!" it implored. Navid sighed. This was exasperating. The AI had been a reassuring presence when he first installed it. Now it was screeching about there being an intruder in the garden. "I can't; I'm going to be late." The front door locked and the security shutters engaged. "No! Please!" The AI's plaintive whine was pitched somewhere between a…
Continue reading →
A few weeks ago, I was clearing out some ancient backup CDs and floppy disks from my attic when I made a curious discovery. Pressed between a copy of Windows ME and a box-fresh copy of the original Duke Nukem Forever, I found a scratched and decaying Compact Flash cart. It was sticky and oozing a rusty looking fluid. The writing on the label looked like my handwriting, but was illegible. I ordered a cable from some Shenzen manufacturer and, after much faffing about with drivers, I managed to…
Continue reading →
Saint Chibubalah held the unique distinction of being canonised by the Catholic Church before his death. Although it was undoubtedly an unprecedented honour, it was of very little use to him while stuck within the confines of a miserable cell. Technically, it wasn't a dungeon. The UN's special rapporteur had been given a tour of the Vatican's "facilities" and came to the conclusion that, despite the lack of sunlight, there were neither enough rats nor manacles to warrant further investigation. …
Continue reading →
