Why Facebook Makes Me Feel Like A Loser
I'm sat here, in my dressing gown. My fingers are greasy from eating crisps all morning. My back aches because I spent all night playing a stupid video game. The gin hangover isn't helping either. My week off work has been a wash out. I didn't write any code, I didn't cook anything other than pizza, and I'm beginning to smell of used dish water.
I log on to Facebook - and this is what I see, all complete with photos of smiling people doing awesome things.
- Melody checked in at Bury Lane Farm Shop "Stocking up on pâté :)"
- Dan "First sky diving lesson. Love it!"
- Lloyd "Sushi!!!"
- Luke "Welcoming the birth of our new baby with some champagne"
- Steve "not being a fan of either presents or parties, just receiving tons of messages on Twitter and FB for my birthday is pretty much perfect :)"
- Ewan "Read my latest piece in Forbes magazine"
- Laura "Red wine, cheese and live classical music... how else would one spend a balmy Australian summers eve?"
- David "Amazing street art in New York City"
- Andrea "Jason & I have gotten around to updating our relationship statuses on Facebook."
- Lexy "London. Heathrow. Cape Town. All in 24 hours"
- Gillian "Is loving being at Hotel du Vin, Henley."
- Menna "This evening I bought a Le Crouset casserole dish before attending a pub crawl at which several people were dressed in onesies"
- Helen "spent a very long time in the swimming pool today and might have to go to bed early to recover!"
- Jess "This Knickerbockerglory may be the death of me!"
- Kate "Planning a trip to see my astronaut friends!"
Literally everyone I know is doing amazing stuff! Sure, there's the odd moan about a crappy commute, or a missed Christmas present. But everyone is so unnervingly upbeat all the time.
I wonder what this does for our mental health? When all you see is the relentless cheeriness of all your friends, suddenly finding yourself miserable can be deeply distressing.
Your friends are always flying off somewhere exotic, and buying new cars, and having exciting careers. You just sit in your underwear wondering if visiting Vimeo rather than YouTube counts as a life changing experience...
It's no longer a case of "keeping up with the Joneses" - you now have to keep up with everyone you've ever met, no matter what the cost!
What we're overlooking, of course, is that Facebook presents us a rather one sided view of our friends.
Let's say your average friend only flies off on holiday every two years. With 100 friends, you'll see someone jetting off every week. All of a sudden, our view of reality is distorted. Our friends aren't all globe-trotters who do nothing but sip champagne in the first class lounge - but the steady drip-drip-drip of friends posting their adventures makes us feel like we're missing something.
Look through your photo album - digital or physical - and count the ratio of photos of people smiling vs looking grumpy. We want to remember the good times. We want to capture and share the brief moments of joy in our lives.
But all those perfect moments combine to a deluge of unfettered joy and love which, if you're not careful, can drown out any rational thought.
I'm not saying that people should post more depressing status updates, or that they should refrain from sharing their happiness. It's just that perhaps we, as a species, aren't yet used to dealing with a constant flood of our friends' successes. It can make even a little failure feel like you're letting down your entire social circle.
Looking through my Facebook updates for 2012 - I've been to some incredible countries this year, changed job, visited zoos and art galleries, had my work published, been retweeted around the globe, raised money for good causes, eaten at some lovely restaurants, won best in show at OverTheAir, drank expensive cocktails with a friend I haven't seen for a decade, been to a Beatles gig, and completed Angry Birds Star Wars.
I am, ostensibly, not a loser. So Facebook can fuck right off.
Revenge of the Spammed
Quantified Self-Consciousness
It's why I make a point of posting the lows as well. Also, slowly unfriending people who don't interact with me.
TK says:
plastico says:
Luckily (?) I subscribe to loads of depressing stuff as well, as I belong to groups trying to stop bullfighting and finding new homes for abandoned dogs, there are days I am crying over some sad emaciated/lonely/mistreated/dead creature before I have even had my coffee (is there any research being done about that? All the sad stuff we get via fb?). And one of my best friends (in real life & on fb) is right old moaner, so all in all, I think I'm fine 😉
Bryce says:
Mrs.Taylor says:
plastico says:
see the link i've mentioned above.
but on a personal level:
why don't you give a shit about it when people (connected to you) are posting nice or depressing stuff on social media?
did you have a great 2012? awesome!
you did not? well, 2013 is going to be great.
just don't care about what people are saying about their lives on fbook etc. if their lives would have been that great: they wouldn't even have had the time to tell YOU about it in on some sort of social media channel. they just would have enjoy it.
they love their momentum. they live from it. but their self esteem tends to be that low, that they definitely need a role model or – maybe even better – a trendsetter to tell them if they are on the right track.
they just need the right like or comment abouth their new partner, shoe, party, friend, restaurant or holiday destination etc.
but they're just insecure. that's why they post this childish crap.
they hope that you or someone else is giving them a legitimation or at least probs.
well, sad for them.
do you give it for them? that's very nice of you.
but for yourself: do you need it?
do you need appreciation from all of your XXXXXX facebook "friends"?
i don't think so.
best
J
Happy New Year!
Excerpt:
"In his 1930 text Civilization and its Discontents, Sigmund Freud outlined the negative impact that he perceived technological progression was having on the contentment of human beings. He referred to all technology as prosthesis, an artificial organ attached to the body and used to fulfil a yearning for a missing component of the whole self. A device such as
a telephone (still relatively innovative in the 1930s) served to accentuate a lack of physical and emotional proximity between two human beings. For Freud all technology represented a loss and the beginnings of a collective alienation that he perceived at the heart of the social domain."
http://www.vanessabartlett.com/2012/07/16/589/
Philip says:
anon says:
Why? Solely because she'd trawled through years of photos on my Facebook profile of the two of us together, looking very much in love (we were, at the time).
That feeling of capturing a moment can be very nice, but it can also be dangerous, and false.
(It worked out in the end...)
Alan says:
.... Says the guy who two days later had to reprimand all his gun nut "friends" that it might be to soon to post all their NRA "more guns and more slaughter will save the day" quotes.. *sigh*
Camilla says:
Sissi says:
grace says:
Terry says:
No one cares if you are having a bad day or relationship problems, even if you're hovering on the edge of suicide and can't get your meds. Now, if you are attractive and like to post pictures, people will be all over your profile. I know this is the way of the world but it is so very heartbreaking.
Anna says:
Rosemarie says: