Having sex is pretty good fun, isn’t it? I enjoy it. I dare say you enjoy it. But, tell me, is it really appropriate for me to associate your products with having an erect penis?
You see, being a heterosexual male, I’m biologically predisposed to be sexually stimulated by images and videos of women in various states of undress. When I’m sexually stimulated my penis has this tendency to experience a rush of blood, which makes the spongy tissues expand until the whole organ is fairly rigid. I have to say, it’s awfully nice. Yes, it’s nice to have an erection.
That’s why, I assume, your demo videos are filled with nubile young women, your booth-babes are busty, and your hackathons come with beer dispensing wenches as a “perk”.
An honest question – next time I’m confronted with one of your sexist selling attempts, do you want me to fling down my tousers and start beating one off?
No? But, you keep trying to give me an erection – I thought my priapic member was what you wanted. Why else treat women as mere sex objects?
If you’re one of the tech companies who are trying to co-opt my schlong, I want you to take a long hard look at what you’re trying to do.
When I’m at a technology show like MWC, or researching which API to use, I’m in “work mode”. Having an erection is an unnecessary distraction. It doesn’t make me feel professional. If nothing else, it’s hard to think with eight-times the normal amount of blood swilling round my phallus.
I want to work – I don’t want to be arroused. And – let’s face it – if I did want to be aroused, they have porn on the Internet now! I can go off to Alta Vista, type in “boobies” and get me some high-quality, women demeaning, surround sound erotica. I don’t need to glimpse half a centimetre of your model’s left buttock – I can see all of a lady’s naked behind without your glowing logo superimposed over it.
And stop demeaning me! Just because I’m a geek- it doesn’t mean I’m a long haired, spotty nerd, who spends every hour coding and is thus unlikely to meet a girl – let alone woo her.
As it happens, I am that long haired, spotty nerd and I’ve been happily married for nearly five years.
I know… I know… It’s “ironic”. You just love women! It’s all just “banter”. We’re all friends. It’s just, you know, a bit of a laugh.
Guess what? It’s really difficult to tell the difference between an ironic erection and the real deal.
Oh, and while we’re at it, stop being so hetero-normative. There are plenty of gay geeks. Now, I may not know an awful lot about what turns on homosexual men – but I’ve got a sneaking suspicious it isn’t silicone enhanced breasts, high heels, and a bikini. I suppose what I’m saying is – if you have to resort to sex to sell your stuff – throw some beefcake in there for the guys and girls who like that sort of thing too. In fact, if you’re a male CEO – how about we see you strut your stuff covered with baby-oil and dressed simply in a diamanté thong? After all, it’s not demeaning, is it?
That’s not really the corporate image you want, I suppose.
If your product can’t stand proud independently – don’t get my cock to do the heavy lifting for you.