Then my doctor said I ought to take better care of my feet. So I purchased a massaging foot mat to go with my standing desk.

Now my doctor says that I need to do more exercise rather than standing still all day. So I purchased a standing desk treadmill.

I suspect my doctor might work for Amazon...

Anyway, this is the popular-on-TikTok EgoFit Walker Pro. It's a short little treadmill with a gentle incline, remote control, and surprisingly passable Android app.

What's in the box?

• 1.8m kettle lead
• 2x bottles of lube
• Allen key for adjustments
• Manual & Quickstart
• Remote and batteries

It is pretty much plug and play. Wheel it where you want - thanks to the front wheels - plug in to power and flick the switch.

Taking it for a spin

Here goes!

Well, yeah, it works! The sound was a bit louder than I was expecting. But it is a sort of low-level white noise which is drowned out by a bit of music.

But how does it sound to people on the receiving end of my endless video calls?

I don't know about you, but that's too quiet for me to easily hear. Perhaps a bit of thumping at the higher speeds. But when I'm talking you really can't hear the walker.

Of course, you may get seasick from seeing me bob up and down!

The 5% incline doesn't sound like much, but it does simulate walking uphill. Depending on your level of fitness and the speed you choose, you'll find yourself working up quite a sweat. Crack open a window unless you want your office to smell like a locker-room.

The app

The remote is pretty simple. Four buttons - start, stop, speed up, slow down. Done. But what if you want a properly programmed workout which speeds up and slows down over time?

Well, the EgoFit has Bluetooth! And an app!!!!

I was prepared for the usual malware infused piece of shit that you usually get with cheap hardware. But... despite the poor reviews on Google Play, it's surprisingly good. And pretty inclusive!

You can skip all the demographic stuff if you want. You can give a fake email and it will happily let you in.

There are a variety of programs for you to try.

If you want to track your steps etc, it's perfectly adequate. One thing to note is that some of the exercise patterns come with "motivational" music. I couldn't find a way to turn that off permanently.

There's also a slightly weird social thing - where you can see how you're doing against other "players".

I get that some people love the "Peloton" social aspect - but it wasn't for me. Thankfully it is optional.

I did some light fuzzing of the Bluetooth and I couldn't quickly connect to it from a 3rd party device. I suspect it isn't that secure - a determined attacker could probably speed you up without your consent. But it is a single button to bring it to a gentle stop, so there's little risk of injury.

Price and verdict

The current price on Amazon is about £360 - depending on what vouchers are on offer. That's mid-range for this sort of equipment. You probably aren't going to be running a marathon on it, or trying to beat Usain Bolt. But for a gentle stroll while working, it's fine.

I'm 80Kg and about 190cm tall. I didn't break it and the length was just right for my stride.

I wrote this entire blog post while walking. I had to re-adjust my keyboard slightly as I found myself subconsciously pushing forward against it. My typos-per-minute didn't seem unduly affected. Doing fine motor actions with a mouse was a little trickier. It took a few moments to adjust to the rhythm and then it just faded into the background.

And I think that's the key. Yes, you could go for a walk in the sunshine for free - but here on rainy island that's not always a possibility. And I can't easily go for a jog around the block when I'm meant to be working. Perhaps a local gym subscription is cheaper? But that means leaving the house, actively making a choice to exercise, and getting sweaty in public.

With this, I don't have to make a choice. It's just there. I have to stand on it to get to my computer. Pressing a single button is less effort than finding my gym clothes.

It is a little heavy - but not that cumbersome. The wheels on the front make it easy to roll away if you need. It will stand on its side quite happily.

If you're still on the Working From Home kick and want your body not to die, then this is a pretty reasonable investment.

I really hope that, next time, my doctor tells me that I need to spend more time playing video games so I can review something a bit more fun!

The following Monday I opened the door to the same office. I logged in to the same laptop. I logged into a new Slack - which wasn't remarkably different from the old one. Signed in to a new Trello workspace - ditto. And started a video call with my new team.

I'll admit, It didn't feel like a new job!

There was no confusing commute to a new office. No having to work out where the toilets and fire exits were. No "here's your desk - it's where John used to sit, so people might call you John for a bit". I didn't even have to remember people's names because Zoom showed all my colleagues' names & job titles.

There was no waiting in a liminal space while receptionists worked out how to let me in the building.

In short, there was no meaningful transition for me.

Vicki Boykis has written a wonderful article about the art of the long goodbye. In it, she explores the rituals which humans have built up to ease our transition between states. We have ceremonies for births, comings of age, marriages, and deaths.

We used to have ceremonies for leaving jobs. Everyone gathering around your desk, a few cheesy words from your boss about how they wouldn't cope without you, maybe a card & small gift. People would pat you on the back, you'd exchange personal phone numbers - even if you had no intention of ever speaking to Jane from accounts again. You'd hand over your ID badge, hand over laptop to an IT support person who'd scowl at all the stickers you'd peppered it with. As you walked out of the building, you'd turn around for one last look at the office, sigh, and wonder if you were making the right decision. Perhaps the team might decant to a pub for valedictory drinks where someone would drunkenly let rip about how they were secretly in love with Jane from accounts.

In those days, you knew that you'd left a job. A greetings card full of sloppy handwriting and soppy messages was tangible evidence that you'd once worked there and had now left.

But now...?

My old team got me a virtual card which has since been deleted unless I pay for an Premium Account on Leaving_Cards_R_Us.biz

They were kind enough to get me a present - a gift certificate. I didn't get a carriage clock to put on my mantelpiece (not that I have one) or anything physical. Instead it paid for a few months of a TV streaming service.

Those colleagues were scattered all over the country, so it would have been impractical to gather in a pub for a venting session. I did get some spicy private messages on LinkedIn, which sort of made up for it.

A courier picked up my old laptop. He didn't care about the stickers and wasn't interested in a hug goodbye. Which was fair enough really.

Vicki says:

In the new COVID/remote work-era, particularly over the last couple months of extremely cruel tech industry layoffs, all of our physical group parting rituals are gone, lost in the digital ether. Nothing has proven this as much as the very painful and very public Twitter layoffs last week.

I'm incredibly bitter about the way my friends at Twitter have been treated. I've been made redundant and it was a horrible and dehumanising experience. But at least I got to shake my (ex) manager's hand, hug my old team-mates, and drink heavily with people who could commiserate with me.

Humans need rituals, or so it appears. Perhaps when working from home we should re-arrange our office whenever we change roles? Put the table on the other side of the room and change the colour of the curtains. But that's impractical for most people.

Maybe we should invent some new rituals. Something to ease our passing from one job into the next.

What on earth would that look like in the WFH era?

Install DroidCam

I use DroidCam - which converts your Android into a wired or wireless webcam.

Set the resolution

nano /etc/modprobe.d/droidcam.conf

Add the following text:

options v4l2loopback_dc width=1280 height=720

Most video call services are limited to 720p, and streaming 1080p and higher via USB isn't always possible.

Interact with the Android

My Android's screen faces away from me - so I can't easily touch or interact with it. Here are two useful utilities:

Check the battery level of the device

adb shell dumpsys battery | grep level

Manipulate the phone from your laptop

I use scrcpy - that mirrors my Android screen onto my desktop and I can interact with it using keyboard and mouse. Handy for restarting the DroidCam app, or fiddling with various settings.

What else?

If you're daft enough to go down this route - what tips do you have?

I already have a fancy WFH desk which holds all my stuff. So I decided to get an adapter. I deliberately went with the largest I could find - while keeping the price below my employer's £150 budget.

So this is the snappily named DWS28-02N. It's a chunky-monkey of a desk converter. With a gas-powered cylinder to help raise it up, and a couple of shelves wide enough to take all my kit.

ACTION SHOTS!

This is what it looks like when assembled:

And when fully loaded:

Assembly

Pretty easy. Put the four rubber feet on the bottom. Put the keyboard tray on the bracket and screw in four screws. Cut the cable tie. Done! Not exactly IKEA levels of pain there.

There's a slot at the front to hold a tablet, and a hole in the back if you want to add some fancy monitor arms.

Usage

It's great! I added my own laptop riser because I like to have my arms at a different angle from most people. It comfortably fits my vertical monitor and there's enough space on the other side for a microphone and phone stand.

There's a little bit of wobble when I type. But not noticeably worst than most other desks I've used. It's a heavy unit, and unlikely to slip and slide.

Standing up is taking a bit of getting used to. If you've done any job where you're on your feet all day you'll know that old familiar ache. But it is helping stretch out my spine and keeps me moving throughout the work day.

Downsides

There isn't any cable management included. Well, OK, you get two small clips - wide enough to hold a couple of USB cables. This means the back of the unit can look like a bit of a rats' nest. I did what I could with it - but there are a lot of cables to route!

Although the keyboard tray is pretty deep, about 5cm is under the upper tray, which makes it difficult to reach some of the keyboard keys.

Easily solved by shuffling the keyboard forwards a little.

It rises and falls pretty easily. Squeeze the handle on the right and pull / push. It's all one continuous motion - there are no "stops". So if you're constantly raising and lowering it, you'll have to remember how high you like it.

Cost

£140 on Amazon - which I thought was pretty reasonable. There are a bunch of desks around that price point (and many more expensive) but this was the largest one that I could find.

This is, of course, highly unscientific and just a little bit silly, but it is fun.

I log in to Google Meet a minute before the meeting start time and immediately share a YouTube video. Meet has this nifty ability to directly stream the audio from a tab - so I don't need to hold my microphone to my speakers.

It's a low effort way to set the tone of the meeting and have a little natter before everyone has drifted in. It's better than sitting there in silence while you wait for stragglers to join.

What I do

Early morning Monday meetings? A bit of The Bangles! Responses ranged from "CHOOOOON!" to "Who are they?" - we have a diverse age range in our team.

COP wrap up after a stressful day? Some algorithmic smooth jazz. A little cozy chat about nothing in particular while waiting for people to join.

Team retro? Retro tunes.

Random brainstorming event? Something a bit weird. Gets people in the mood for doing something different from the normal business.

End of the week impromptu discussion on important issue? Terrifyingly modern music. Much arguments about the youth of today and their moral degeneracy.

To be clear, I don't do this in every meeting - that would just be tiresome. And the music stops when the work starts. And I take requests ☺️

Problems

• Not everyone on your team may have great hearing. Find something with nice visuals as well.
• Musical tastes are subjective. Encourage others to contribute.
• Bandwidth struggles. It's a surprisingly good way for people to notice that their WiFi is playing up.
• Instrumental music was generally better received as people felt comfortable talking over it.
• Some modern music videos are a bit risqué for an office environment. A Spotify stream or lyrics video works just as well.

COPYRIGHT!!?!??!?!?

*sigh* Yes, probably.

This is a brief list of what hasn't worked. As ever, while I'm grateful for my employers' enlightened BYOD policies - this is a personal blog post.

The good new is, most of my life is spent in the browser. I use Chrome for all my GSuite stuff, and Firefox for everything else. All modern video conf systems work in the browser, so I haven't been left out of any conversations due to my esoteric set up.

What surprised me more, is how many "enterprise" apps now have a Linux version. Slack, Zoom, even MS Teams provide a .deb or FlatPak.

So, what hasn't worked...?

Cisco WebEx

My MSc (which is being provided through my employer) requires using WebEx for remote classes. Sadly, despite the name, it doesn't work in the web browser. The whiteboard function is completely inoperable. There have been several promises of a Linux version, but I doubt it'll ever be released. The good new is - everyone hates WebEx! So when we're asked to work on a collaborative whiteboard, we use JamBoard or similar.

One Annoying Work System

My employer's payroll system is on an Intranet. Luckily, I can VPN into it from Linux. Sadly, the payroll firewall only allows in "approved" devices. So, once a month, I dig out my old MacBook, wait for it to charge, log in, download my payslip, email it to myself, and then put the machine back in the cupboard.

To be fair, they do know this is a problem, and are working on a solution.

Microsoft Teams

When I open up a teams call, it automatically switches my Bluetooth headset to Headset Profile - which has a lower audio quality. I have to manually switch it back to A2DP. Not a show-stopper, just annoying.

Weird Wayland Woes

I'm pretty impressed with Wayland. Literally the only thing which doesn't work for me is screen sharing in the Zoom app. If I use the Zoom web version, I can share my tabs. It looks like there's a cludgy fix for it but I rarely need to share my screen, so I just use the browser version.

Anything Else?

Basically, I could do all my normal work from a Chromebook if I really wanted. The web really does 95%+ of everything. Things like image editing, audio editing, coding, I find easier to do locally - but that might just be force of habit.

Pop_OS is a gloriously fast and stable distro. Wayland works - and renders my multi-screen desktop beautifully. Flatpaks have solved the problem of installing software - and work great on multi-user accounts.

How much does it cost to go to work in a physical office? I'm going to try and list all the things I have to pay for just in order to be able to show up. This ignores things I can claim back on expenses (although that's an issue if you don't have sufficient credit access).

Commuting is the big one. At one time, I was paying close to £4,000 for a train into work. I've since moved closer to work, but I still pay £2k - quite a hefty chunk of salary!

Eating out is another cost. I've worked in places with subsidised canteens. But they're still more expensive than bringing your own sandwiches from home. Of course, you're reliant on no one nicking them from the communal fridge.

Little extras. Buying doughnuts for the team. Popping out for a coffee and a chat. Team drinks after work. Putting money into a leaving card. All those little things which are sort of voluntary, but not really.

Clothing is surprisingly expensive. I've worked jobs where you had to buy the uniform from your employer. And I've worked in places where new starters turned up in expensive suits that they couldn't really afford. Nowadays I tend to wear jeans and a t-shirt regardless of whether I'm at home or at work. Women quite often face the burden of needing a range of "respectable" workware, shoes, and "professional" hair and make-up.

Depending on your industry, you may be required to "project wealth" by wearing jewellery like a fancy watch, gold cufflinks, or a tie-pin.

Generally speaking, none of these things can be expensed. And I don't think most of them can be claimed back on your tax return if you're an employee.

There's a whole range of costs which employers just assume their employees are willing & able to bear.

Lots of those cost are - I hope - disappearing.

My bet is that people will use that "extra" income to pay for home-office space. Rather than paying a few thousand on commuting, people will gravitate to homes with extra space for home offices. The savings from all the other sundry costs will offset the extra cost of heating and electricity. At least, that's my hope!

So, I present to you some choice predictions from "Technology and the office of the future" by B. W. Manley.

Low cost computers (VDU) - yup! Data storage - the article talks about storing "the entire contents of the Encyclopaedia Britannica on one side of a disc — words and pictures".

Digital networking! Brilliant! Voice Command! Wait... what?

By 1991 we didn't really have practical voice recognition systems. And certainly nothing that could replace the keyboard. Here we are FORTY YEARS later and most of us are thumping away on keyboards for long-form writing. If we're driving, we can scream "CALL MUM" and Siri will probably get it right. And there's the occasional use of voice recognition to compose a quick text. But we're not in 1981's future yet.

What about video? Sadly, too expensive and not useful enough.

After a year of COVID, I think we can all agree that Zoom has encouraged more meetings than are strictly necessary!

The humble FAX was about to become the big tech of the 1980s. Sadly, some places are still stuck with it - despite the obvious limitations.

What have we learned today?

Predicting the future is hard. Saying that something will always be too expensive is never a good bet.

Knowing that a technology has serious shortcomings - like not being able to search a fax - is irrelevant when it is simply a more convenient version of the existing paradigm.

Unintended consequences are the most exciting part of any technology. We don't use voice control in a noisy, open plan office - but we use it at home. Videocalls do increase the number of meetings - as predicted - but they also do slash travel budgets.

What's your favourite prediction from the 1980s?

And, much like buying a round in a pub, I'm aware of the loose social obligation created by me greedily eating the home-baked treats brought in by others.

But how do you do that when working from home?

The cost of doughnuts is pretty cheap - less than a quid each (unless you're buying the really fancy ones). Call it about £1.50 per team mate.

Sending a single doughnut by post appears to be an untapped market - probably for good practical reasons!

Giving everyone £1.50 via PayPal feels a bit weird and impersonal.

Sending everyone a bag of sweets or box of chocolates involves collecting addresses (which not everyone will be comfortable giving out) and it can be hard to find something which is vegan, gluten free, suitable for diabetics, etc.

I asked my friends how to solve this problem - and this is what they suggested:

Nayeema Chowdhury

@NayeemaC

@edent We did a version of Secret Santa where you bought lunch for another colleague. That was fun and could be done at anytime. I’ve also bought little biscuit baking kits where we did the decorating and eating together in a team meeting.

---

Eliot Fineberg

@eliotfineberg

Replying to @edent@edent Pick one person you think particularly deserves a lift or appreciation and send them something.

---

Simon Phipps

@webmink

@edent Send Toblerones? Should just need a label and a stamp.
amazon.co.uk/Tobl-Erone-Bar…

---

TraceyWilliamsAllred

@tewilliam

@edent I had a similar issue for our Christmas party. Went round the houses and eventually ended up having a PayPal whip round of SLT and sending e-vouchers to rest of team but unfortunately not in time for people to get things delivered for the party itself... But a nice Xmas present!

---

ilicco

@ilicco

@bensmithuk @edent I sent £5 PayPal to each member of my team & told them to buy a tub of @HackneyGelato for a Friday afternoon ice cream bonanza. It went down very well.. then I promised to do it again and never got round to it, which I don’t think went down as well. The ice cream though, is tops!

---

Martin Thorne

@martinthorne

@edent You can set up a business @deliveroo account, then you can order everybody something - you can set maximum spend and timeslots they can order in (I believe). You can order something to each person, or you can give them their own login to order whatever they like

---

Conor O'Neill

@tpuddle

Replying to @edent@edent Be cautious with the assumption that people consider 'team doughnuts' to be universally a good thing.
I'm not exactly overweight but I try to avoid snacking between meals, and I find these 'treats' provided occasionally by my team to be unhelpful (and unhealthy).

---

Linda Sandvik

@hyper_linda

@tpuddle @edent I just hate doughnuts. and other cake-like things. But yes, when I was working in the UK there seemed to be a lot of free doughnuts, beer and other things I don't like

---

Julianna Rowsell

@JuliannaRowsell

@edent I got a surprise book in the mail and it was the best and sweetest gesture. Def more than $1.50 but sparked my attention and felt genuine.

---

Emma Parnell (she/her)

@worddoodles_EP

Replying to @edent@edent Letterbox brownies!

---

Andrew Fielding

@wobable

Replying to @edent@edent Get a message for the team from a celebrity (via Cameo?) and then send it to all of them?

cameo.com

---

So, dearest blog reader - what are your thoughts?

*nudge nudge wink wink*

Of course, everyone ignored that directive and used it for web-surfing after-hours.

Was that theft? Our employer paid the same amount whether we used it for a few emails during the day or for all-night Xbox sessions. Our extra-curricular use didn't cost the business any money. There may have been some tax implications for receiving a Benefit-In-Kind, but how do you apportion usage of a service?

Whatever the future brings, I think it's clear that lots of office workers are going to be working from home a few days a week now. So should your employer pay for broadband? If so, are you allowed to use it for non-work purposes?

It got me thinking about all the costs I already have to personally bear when working.

• Commuting. The big one! £3,000ish per year. Most large employers offer a loan to help offset the cost.
• Home office costs. Buying or renting a place with enough space to have an office is a significant expense.
• Clothing. I've worked jobs where I had to buy the uniform. While I wouldn't usually turn up to work naked, I occasionally have to buy smart-looking clothes.
• Lunch. Sure, I could pack sandwiches - but they're yucky after an hour-long commute. So I buy something overpriced from a local shop.
• Beer. No, it isn't mandatory to go to after-work drinks. But you want to be a team player, don't you?

I'm sure you can add your own examples.

In the UK, top price broadband maxes out at about £50 per month. I don't think that's a huge expense for a business - especially if they're saving on office costs.

Or, am I expected to pay for broadband myself in the same way that I'm expected to own a suit, tie, and sensible shoes?

If not, is it OK to use my work-provided broadband for watching Netflix?

A few years ago, someone was arrested for allegedly using someone else's unsecured WiFi. Is that theft?

"It is a bit like reading your book from the light coming out from someone's window"

Julian Baggini, Philosopher BBC News (2007)

My wife has written about this from a philosophical perspective - you should go read her eloquent take on the issue.

I've found this year to be... liberating. I can stay up all night, knowing I can roll out of bed and be instantly at work. I can be as social as I like - and I can decline invitations if I'm just not in the mood. I can read a good book over lunch, rather than hunching over my desk eating Pret. Or I can take a lunchtime nap. No going to a crappy pub, I can order in the exact beer and cider I like. No going to a fancy restaurant and only seeing a single vegetarian dish. No drunks trying to pick a fight. No out-of-order toilets on a long train ride home.

Do I miss physically being with my friends, and seeing new sights? Sure! But I'm aware of just how much I'm experiencing this pandemic on easy mode.

I'm immensely privileged

Not only am I still employed, but I have an employer who supports me. My wife and I keep each other mutually sane. Our house has a tiny scrap of garden, and enough room for separate offices and some exercise equipment. I don't have kids, thankfully, so haven't had to deal with the horrors of home-schooling.

I'm deeply aware of how our experience has been the exception, not the norm.

Preparation is key

I hadn't realised just how much of my life was set up in anticipation of this moment. In the before-times, 95% of our grocery shopping was done online. So we were already used to getting food deliveries.

We already had fast broadband - it was installed the day after we moved in. It is much faster than we need. But none of our colleagues have complained about our video dropping out.

Having moved house a few months before it all kicked off, we didn't have much of a local social circle. So while we missed friends, it was normal for us to chat with them online. My partner's parents live on the other side of the planet - so regular Skype calls were part of our routine. And we didn't have to spend ages teaching parents how to use tech.

Similarly, we both know how to cook food. OK, I'm not a gourmet chef, and sometimes dinner comes fresh from the microwave. But my wife is amazing so we're able to eat without too much boredom and repetition.

Working from home is pretty easy - when everyone else is doing it

I used to WFH a couple of days a week. It was always difficult when I was the only person dialling in to a meeting. Either I couldn't hear, or I'd be forgotten about, or the real conversation would take place after the meeting.

If anything, working is easier now. I remember the days of having to delay a meeting because there were no physical rooms available. Or having to wait for a security guard to scan all the guests before they could enter our offices. I'm not sure I'd bother travelling across London for a 30 minute chat any more.

Yes, there's always someone who hasn't worked out how to unmute their mic after a year of doing this. But that's probably better than being sat in an airless office trying to suppress a yawn.

I don't miss the things I thought I'd miss

Would I like to see a West End show? Sure! But I'm not sure I want to deal with long toilet queues, overpriced drinks, a freezing train back home - and all the other niggles of a night out.

Similarly, I miss restaurants. But I'm glad I don't have to shout above the music to speak to people, or wait ages for a waiter to bring me the bill, or accidentally eat meat.

I'm sick of seeing nothing but my immediate surroundings. But I no longer need to panic about whether there's a loo nearby, or getting lost.

I don't think I'm Hikikomori, but it turns out that I can function adequately without too much external contact.

Money can buy happiness

Netflix and Prime have saved our sanity. Not just the constant stream of distractions - but the ability to say "I am bored / frustrated / annoyed - let me buy my way out of it." The same goes for "treats" - whether it's an utterly superfluous bit of tech kit or a takeaway, money can bring a little dopamine boost. Sure, it is short lived, but it helps.

Is there such a thing as community?

I'm on nodding terms with my neighbours. Nothing more. No one around here set up a WhatsApp group, or anything like that. And, personally, I'm glad. I don't really want to know too much about my neighbours. I mean, I already have a pretty good idea of what they argue about (yay thin walls) - but it turns out that I just don't feel the need to get to know them.

Is that sad? It feels like it ought to be. But I have plenty of friends online. People I've chosen, rather then people who happen to live in the same postcode.

Exercise is boring and food is delicious

I tried Nintendo Ring Fit and found it dull dull dull. I got skipping ropes and weights and all sorts. Nothing stuck.

So I'm sat on the exercycle a few times a week trying to numb the pain by watching Taskmaster re-runs. I hate it hate it hate it. I get no exercise high. After a year I just feel sweaty, achy, and disgusting. But I'm doing it so my body doesn't rot away.

And where it has all gone wrong

I've had a few wobbles. Times where I've stared at my email all day without getting anything done. Evenings lost in a haze of crap films and salty snacks. Nights when I just can't sleep. I've had friends at Death's Door. I've stood in the shower for an hour wondering if it is worth getting out to face the day. I've screamed at the TV (and at Twitter). I fantasise about stretching out on a beach, sipping cocktails, with the promise of someone else cooking and cleaning for me.

And yet...

What have a learned from a year of lockdown? I can keep myself healthy and sane. I have the resources to entertain myself. I can write blog posts and code interesting programs and create art and bake cakes. I have a life partner who is as daft as me, and I love being stuck with her.

I can't believe it took me a whole fucking year of pandemic-time to discover this app. My laptop's webcam is... basically fine. It's a cheap 720p sensor with a tiny lens. It doesn't really cope with low light, and the picture is a bit fuzzy and grey. If you're on a conference call with me, I look like this:

I've got an old Samsung Android phone which I don't use any more. It's one of those with billions of megapizels and quantum nano AI bobbins. Here's how it makes me look:

Static photos don't really do it justice. I don't have the photography vocabulary to describe depth of field or wideness of gamut. But I think it makes for a better image. Colleagues have remarked that I look more HD. Which I think is a compliment...

You can use the front-facing camera, if you prefer. That also means you can see what you look like when presenting.

The front-facing camera also gives a much wider field of view:

You can connect over USB or WiFi. USB mode works fine in Linux, as long as you can install ADB. The WiFi connection also gives you a web-based control panel:

Installation

• Install an app on your phone.
• Turn on developer mode on your device.
• Install some random Linux scripts and fart about on the command line.

There's a basic Linux app for controlling the settings.

Open Source

The Linux client is Open Source. The dev seems very responsive to suggestions and pull requests - even fixing a small bug I found within a couple of days.

Downsides

It isn't all sunshine and roses though. Firstly, you need somewhere to mount the camera. I have a Ring Light and tripod which is a bit wobbly, but does the job. I have to position it carefully to make sure my laptop isn't in view.

The app is a little temperamental. I don't know if it is my phone going to sleep, or a USB issue - but it does occasionally just stop. Hardware, eh!?

There's no way to swap cameras via the Linux client - although you can tap the screen and set them on the app. While you can toggle the autofocus, zoom, white balance, and exposure from the Linux client - you must use the command line to set resolution and aspect ratio. So it is a bit inconsistent.

The resolution is limited to 640x480 on the free version. But that's about the maximum of most video calling software. The £5 pro version does both 720p and 1080p if you need it. Obviously, streaming 4K video is impossible over a cheap USB cable.

I paid for the pro version - and the 720p and 1080p video are good. If you use the app, you can increase the video quality - but you may find that you drop a few frames that way.

Verdict

Magic. Although it seems so weird to me that this isn't a standard feature of Android phones. We have MTP mode for file transfer, why not an optional WebCam mode?

(Zoom lets you send stereo audio - but only of you have a stereo microphone. Whereas I'm talking abound individuals sending mono and receiving to stereo.)

Every video conference system I've used delivers the audio in mono. That's fine when one person is speaking, but gets really muddy and confusing when multiple people are speaking. So why not deliver stereo audio? Put Alice in my left ear and Bob in my right.

It would improve the audio quality, make it easier to hear multiple participants, and give a more immersive feel to tedious calls.

Individual audio would also mean that I could control the volume of participants with dodgy mics and reduce the bass on those with boomy voices. What's not to like?

So, what are the reasons not to do this?

Bandwidth? Opus, the audio codec used by most systems, uses about 16kbps for mono speech. So, call it 32kbps for stereo.

A 720p video call, according to Zoom, requires 1.5Mbps. Adding another audio stream - or even half a dozen - would add a negligible amount of data. So it can't be that.

Computational complexity? If the client (the web browser) is organising the order of the video on screen, it can organise the audio. There's a stereo panning API built right in to the browser.

If the server is sending out the video pre-arranged - then is it really a chore to mux a stereo stream rather than mono? Maybe it's a bit of work, but that's nothing compared to re-encoding video.

Patents? I know software patents are ridiculous - but surely stereo audio isn't held by an IP Troll, right?

Do users find it confusing? Maybe. But lots of podcasts have stereo audio with a host in each ear. Every TV show is broadcast in stereo (or better). I think people could handle it. And, if not, have a big ol' MONO button on screen.

Come on Zoom, Skype, Teams, Meet, Jitsi et al! Give the people what they want! An audio feed for each ear!

Except...

Now, I'm being slightly disingenuous here. There are some video call services which use spatial audio. Here's the Dobly service:

The HighFidelity.com service also does spatial audio:

I think both of those are much more immersive. Far easier to listen to. I'm not sure if I want to put my work conferences though a 5.1 surround sound system just yet - but even basic stereo is a vast improvement on boring mono.

So what's stopping the more mainstream services from offering this?

There were the usual round of congratulations and how-will-we-cope-without-yous. But a few of us were left a little blindsided. For the last 10 months, we've only seen each other through the lens of a video conference. And, while some people's call etiquette can be a bit lacklustre, I only know the majority of my colleagues from the shoulders upwards.

In a traditional office, it would usually be fairly obvious when someone is pregnant. Even though it's impolite to ask, diaries get booked out with antenatal appointments and people begin mentally working out how parental-leave cover will be arranged.

Obviously her manager and close friends knew. And I'm certainly not complaining that I was kept out of the loop. But it's a curious and unexpected facet of working from home.

It is (probably) a good thing from a privacy and equality point of view. No one is going to refuse to give work to the expectant if they don't know you're expecting.

I work with someone who uses a wheelchair - but I bet people who've only met them online don't realise that. Does that change how people approach them at work?

What else is Zoom covering up? Perhaps a colleague is hiding their Fight Club bruises by never switching video on? I wear wrist braces when typing - a fact that goes unnoticed by most nowadays. No one is commenting on how much weight you put on over Xmas, or whether your trousers are out of fashion.

As Sharon O'Dea says - everyone is the same height on a video call!

The promise of the Internet - and of VR - was that you were free to create your own identity. Unsullied by your mere corporeal form. Unlimited by your physical limitations. Judged only by the content of your content.

COVID19 isn't the great equaliser - it has exposed many shortcomings in society. But there are little bright spots. People who were excluded from a traditional office are now more able to work with their peers. Our bodies are more private - and some of our presumed-restrictions less noticeable.

Half-an-hour later, I drove home to think about my life choices. I then started looking for a new job.

From the moment I entered the workforce back in the early 2000s, I've been in open-plan offices with a mandatory hot-desk policy. That means every morning you have to wander around with your laptop, looking for a desk near your team-mates. I get it - I really do - office space is finite and not everyone is in every day. So only having desks for 80% of employee is perfectly rational.

But humans are not rational. In every office that I've been in, people choose the same desk again and again. They stick up photos of loved ones, adjust the chair to their liking, set monitor brightness to be comfortable, and know where to find their team-mates. Humans like a bit of predictability in their work day. And no-one wants to start the day stressing about finding a seat.

I opted-out of hotdesking fairly quickly. Due to RSI, I require a special keyboard and mouse. I placed them on my desk and left a note saying "if I'm not in, feel free to use this desk, but please don't mess with my accessibility equipment."

That mostly worked. Mostly.

And now we're in an era when office workers don't need to go into an office. It's coming up to a year of enforced WFH for me. And... it's mostly fine. Mostly.

My employer has generously paid for a desk, monitor, and chair. It'd be nice if they also paid for my broadband - but I'm not churlish enough to get grumpy over it. I don't start every day panicking over whether I'm going to get a seat, or find a parking space. I appreciate that I'm privileged enough to have enough space at home to work, and a decent employer.

I'd be happy to physically meet up with my team a few times a year. Maybe even as often as monthly.

The big trick is going to be convincing various levels of managers that this is a good thing. Hence my proposal. It's no longer "Work From Home"; we're rebranding it to "EXTREME HOTDESKING!!"

Yes, the two exclamation marks are mandatory.

N.B. The earliest reference I can find is this from Linsey Chrisman:

Sarah

@sarahcchilds

@spoontragedy @saintevelin put me off hotdesking for life

---

Linsey Chrisman

@spoontragedy

@sarahcchilds @saintevelin I have always worked in what I would term 'extreme hotdesking' situations. Hones your negotiation skills

---

With these notable follow-ups:

James Dennison

@JDennisonCars

@jonathan_burn @JRRBatchelor @AutoExpress Hang on, wasn't @LobAllan in that seat earlier? I don't think our office could cope with that sort of instability.

---

Lawrence Allan

@LobAllan

@JDennisonCars @jonathan_burn @JRRBatchelor @AutoExpress Extreme hotdesking at Dennis: we swap chairs every hour when the alarm goes off. Increases productivity

---

Sharon O'Dea

@sharonodea

Replying to @sharonodeaEarly starters take the same desk daily. Others are left scrabbling around finding somewhere and end up on a different floor. Which is a problem if, like babies, dolphins and my former boss you don't understand object permanence and think people you can't see no longer exist.

---

Suw

@Suw

Replying to @sharonodea@sharonodea @sheilaellen I once worked for a company that had gone for an extreme hotdesking solution, which meant that on more than one occasion I’d turn up only to be told to go home again and work there instead as there was literally nowhere for me to sit. It was an extremely obnoxious situation.

---

It's a gorgeous and spacious model. Lots of rooms for monitors and gadgets - and a chunk of storage space in the side. And, as it was flatpack, lots of fun to assemble.

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

Spending the evening playing with adult Lego! pic.x.com/C8QxraVSq6

---

There were a couple of problems though.

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

Replying to @edentBig bag o' bits!
No sign of assembly instructions yet. Might make a spaceship. pic.x.com/knmhDyyRGW

---

The bag full of a dozen similarly sized screws was unlabelled. So I spent an age sorting everything out, so I didn't accidentally use the wrong thing in the wrong hole.

I'd got part way through making it when I found that one of the panels was incorrect!

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

Replying to @edentOh, dammit! FMD Möbel have sent me an incorrect part!
Do I try and contact them in Germany and ask for a replacement, or attempt to get a full replacement? I've already screwed some bits of it together… pic.x.com/xGtwDcKEOx

---

Amazon's customer services were apologetic, but couldn't ship me only the part I needed. Instead they wanted the half-built desk packed up so they could collect and then ship me a new one. That felt like a lot of time and effort for a single panel!

I contacted FMD Möbel but they were only able to redirect me back to the vendor. They don't send out replacement parts, even though it was due to their packaging mistake.

I rang round a few other stockists, until I found Freedom Home Stores. They had an old desk which had been returned and were willing to sell me the replacement part at cost. I wish I'd bought from them in the first place!

*sigh*

Instructions

For flatpack, the instructions were reasonable. I only had to unscrew things a couple of times. Weirdly, there were a few bits which required drilling into the wood - despite there being pre-drilled holes for the majority. That always makes me nervous.

It was quite hard telling which screw was which, some were differentiated by their length, others by whether they had a round- or flat-head.

All in, it was a couple of hours work - once the right piece was delivered.

Verdict

Anyway, when all finally built, it looked lovely and held all my stuff.

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

Replying to @edentDesk complete!
Only a few leftover screws. Sure they weren't important. Had to undo a few things when I misread the instructions. Only bled once.
Success 😁 pic.x.com/4noVBQJs4L

---

The instructions were pretty simple to follow, but the way it is all packaged was very annoying. I bought mine from Amazon but the same model is on eBay and a host of independent stores.

And, today, I was reminded of another benefit. I am terrible at remembering names. Many a time someone has bumbled up to me in a corridor, asked my opinion on something, and I've said "could you email me and I'll send you more detail" because I didn't want the mortifying experience of saying "I know I know you, but I don't really know your name. Is it... Dave...?"

I used to joke that it would be really helpful if everyone I worked with wore a prominent name badge. And now, thanks to endless video calls, they do!

Image via @OneTeamGov

Most services - like Zoom, Skype, and Hangouts - let users enter free-text. And the general convention around my peers is to use:

Name (Department)

Or

Name (Organisation)

Or

Name (Pronouns)

So, at a glance, I can see Abdul from Accounting, Barbara from the BBC, and Chris (She/Her) are in the meeting.

Some people put little emoji flags to signify which country they're in, or which languages they speak. I'm sure you've noticed a dozen other little things people are doing in a similar vein.

When people are late to meetings, we don't need to do the usual rigmarole of going round the table again to reintroduce people. The metadata is available for all to see.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off. And I'm sure that it's open to abuse. And that it doesn't work for everyone.

But, for now, I have much less anxiety in meetings. And that's nice.

But we've now entered the (permanent?) work-from-home era. If you're anything like me, you're spending more time broadcasting video than you ever did before. It's painfully obvious when you're stuck on a video call with someone who has restricted upload speeds. Blocky video and garbled sound - getting worse if more people in the household are streaming at once.

Almost all ISPs sell connections this way. And, to be fair, it made sense. But it's increasingly difficult to justify. Gamers want to stream, TikTokers want to meme, and boring old farts like me want HD video calls.

Before this all kicked off, I took the fastest upload package I could find.

Over 300Mbps down is swish! And the 35 up is pretty decent - especially if both my wife and I are on calls. But I'd gladly trade some of my download speed for a faster upload speed.

So which mainstream ISP will be the first to market symmetric - or better - speeds for home workers? BT is apparently trialling it as part of their fibre roll out.

Of course, if you're permanently working from home, perhaps it makes sense for people to go back to having a dedicated, separate line for work?

Either way, broadband speeds will have to change soon. People are beginning to send more data than ever before.

We've moved house recently, so I'm still finding my feet - but as I work from home fairly often, and have a bit of RSI, I thought I'd show you what I've got and how I use it.

The desk is just a plain IKEA table. Supplemented with a cheap Argos desk which didn't quite fit all my kit - so it becomes a side desk.

Floor

Much like Alec Guinness, I start with the the shoes. I don't wear any at home, and my floor is cold wood laminate. So I use a toilet mat!

Look, I know it sounds daft, but scrunching up my toes on a bit of carpet is relaxing. The mat was part of a set, and has never been used in the bathroom.

Power

Nothing gets done without electricity. I use a Meross smart surge protector.

Each socket can be switched using an app, and the 4 USB ports can supply 2.4 Amps. Good for charging all the gadgets I have.

I also use a powered USB hub. So many problems with a MacBook's accessories are due to weird power requirements.

Input

The MicroSoft 4000 is the best ergonomic keyboard in the world.

The mouse is a ridiculously expensive Evoluent Vertical Mouse.

I'm using an older one - I have several - because I left my best one at work. The shut-down order came in a hurry, so I didn't have time to pick it up.

Display

A new addition! My work has generously given me a small budget for a screen. It's the Iiyama ProLite B2482HS-B1 24". I read lots of long documents - so a vertical monitor is an absolute necessity.

I've been using multiple monitors since 2001 - and I've never lost the habit.

Lighting

This is so important - especially if you're doing an important presentation. Webcams look shit in low light.

It's just a standard lamp with a WiFi controlled LIFX bulb. I can change the colour to match my mood. I've only once had to switch it to BRIGHT RED when on a video call.

Ideally, I'd have one of those fancy circular lights - like proper YouTubers.

Phone

I've upcycled an old car dashboard phone holder into a desk phone holder. It's like a really inefficient third monitor. Having it at eye level is useful - for glancing at Twitter and WhatsApp video calls.

Sound

I finally found some USB-C powered Bluetooth Headphones - the Life Q10 from Anker.

I tend to use those for listening to music when working. I normally use my laptop's built in speaker and mic for calls.

Occasionally, I do strap on a headset. I hate the way they make me look like a cheap pilot.

It's a Plantronic's Mono. The best thing about it is the physical mute button. Handy for making sure no-one can hear you howling.

Seating

A decent chair is the cornerstone of any home working setup.

Got mine from Office Furniture Online. I really wanted something with a bit of head support. It reclines and spins - useful on interminable conference calls.

Wrist Support

To stop my hands breaking so much, I use wrist guards.

And a padded mousemat.

Laptop and Stand

Work provide me with a MacBook Air. Although soon I'll be getting a Linux machine.

I've no idea where I picked up the desktop riser. But it mostly hides the mess of cables.

What's next?

The MacBook's webcam is a bit crap. Something with higher definition would be good - although it might overload my colleagues' bandwidth.

Microphones are a tricky one. Bluetooth is never quite reliable enough, and flimsy headsets are usually low quality. I keep thinking about getting a decent mic with a pop-shield for a bit of light podcasting. Perhaps it would improve my calls?

A phone holder with wireless charging would make life easier, but I'd also need a phone which supports it.

There are a bunch of cheap-ish standing desks Might be nice?

So, go on then, rate my rig! Or, share yours!

That's not a problem for Google Hangouts - it just works in any browser. No need to install plugins or apps. Voice and video just work.

But Zoom - one of the most used VC services - falsely claims that users need to install an app to use it. I've had frustrated colleagues express their displeasure that they can't install an app and, therefore, have to dial in on a phone and can't see any slides.

Here's the thing. Zoom supports web browsers. It just hides it really well. Only after attempting to download the app, and then waiting for a few seconds, do you get this tiny message saying you can join in the browser:

That's annoying and, frankly, irresponsible. People urgently need to get on calls and Zoom is deliberately making it hard to do. WebRTC works. It works really well across browsers. I'm sure the Zoom app is marvellous. But it is useless if people can't install it.

If you want to share a direct link to a call, use this:

https://whatever.zoom.us/wc/join/123456?pwd=

Replace the whatever with your company name and 123456 with your Zoom's conference ID.