Movie Review: Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person


Movie poster. A young girl drinks from a bag of blood.

There are some movies - like Snakes On A Plane - where the title simultaneously tells you the whole plot and compels you to watch it. Similarly, how can you resist something called "Vampire humaniste cherche suicidaire consentant"? Like the darkest of chocolates, the bitterness only accentuates the tender sweetness of the protagonist. A young […]

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Movie Review: Godzilla Minus One


Godzilla poster.

I'll say one thing for ゴジラ(Godzilla)-1.0(マイナスワン, it is loud. Even at a moderate volume, your subwoofer will get a workout and your neighbours will start banging the walls. Let them. Godzilla rules! Got neighbours on both sides? Good! Your rears speakers will also be thoroughly abused by Godzilla's roar and the terrifyingly loud explosions. There's […]

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Movie Review: The Holdovers


Poster for The Holdovers.

You can safely skip the first 45 minutes of this movie. It's the most clichéd Dead Poets / Breakfast Club nonsense I've seen in quite some time. As for the rest? Well… it is shot on film with a unusual aspect ratio. So, you know, that's cool... There's also lots of ✨acting✨ and quirky camera […]

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Movie Review: Poor Things


Poster for Poor Things.

Yes. Every single frame of this movie is a delight - even the closing titles. It is an explosion of outrageous colour, extravagant lenses, and delirious shots. Like an Escher woodcut electrified into life. I adored director Yorgos Lanthimos' earlier film The Lobster - this feel almost like that film was injected with several million […]

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Movie Review: M*A*S*H


Poster for MASH featuring a terrifying hybrid of a human hand giving a peace sign with a pair of female legs descending from it.

After watching the First few series of the TV show "M*A*S*H", I thought I'd give the original movie a go. It isn't very good. Even if you ignore the rampant racism - and there is a lot of racism - you still have to content with the brutal misogyny - and it is toe-curlingly grim. […]

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Movie Review: Oppenheimer


Movie poster.

Oppenheimer is... fine? I guess? For ever gorgeously composed shot, there's a minute of plodding exposition. For every heart-breaking moment of self-doubt, there's a minute of plodding exposition. For every celebrity cameo, there's a minute of plodding exposition. That's why this is a decidedly average film. Every single actor is incredible - stuffed as it […]

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Movie Review: Looop Lapeta / লুপ লাপেটা


Movie poster - a woman is on the phone looking nervous.

About a million years ago, I took a cute girl on a date to see the cult movie Lola Rennt. I felt pretty cool for knowing all about hip German cinema. I eventually married the girl, so she must also have thought I was pretty cool. Well, a few days ago, I found out that […]

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Movie Review: If You Were The Last


Movie poster. Two astronauts lie next to each other looking up at an unforgiving sky.

The 2016 film "Passengers", with Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt, is a gruesome study in "because of the implication". JLaw's character wakes on a spaceship to discover that only Pratt's character is alive and has prematurely roused her from her slumber. She has, in effect, been murdered and the only way she can pacify this […]

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Movie Review: Straight 8 2023


Poster featuring a collection of stills from various films.

It's not often I go to a movie premiere. And it's less often that I go to a movie premiere of a film starring my mum! Straight 8 is an intriguing idea for a film competition. Film-makers have exactly one roll of Super8 film - which runs to about 3 minutes. The only editing they […]

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Movie Review: One Cut Of The Dead


Movie poster. A Japanese man holds a movie camera while a young, blood-soaked Japanese woman is chased by zombies.

Zombie films are always social commentary. The original Night of the Living Dead is a story of small-town racism and paranoia. One Cut Of The Dead is - if you'll pardon the pun - a cut above the rest of the zombie flicks. It asks some deep questions about cinema and the role of the […]

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