There are some movies - like Snakes On A Plane - where the title simultaneously tells you the whole plot and compels you to watch it. Similarly, how can you resist something called "Vampire humaniste cherche suicidaire consentant"? Like the darkest of chocolates, the bitterness only accentuates the tender sweetness of the protagonist. A young female vampire who suffers from what can only be described as Dental Impotence. Her family take drastic steps to help her "come of age", but to no avail. …
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I'll say one thing for ゴジラ(Godzilla)-1.0（マイナスワン, it is loud. Even at a moderate volume, your subwoofer will get a workout and your neighbours will start banging the walls. Let them. Godzilla rules! Got neighbours on both sides? Good! Your rears speakers will also be thoroughly abused by Godzilla's roar and the terrifyingly loud explosions. There's almost zero buildup. No backstory. No exposition. At exactly 4 minutes and 30 seconds into the film BAM! Godzilla starts fucking shit up. Absolute…
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You can safely skip the first 45 minutes of this movie. It's the most clichéd Dead Poets / Breakfast Club nonsense I've seen in quite some time. As for the rest? Well… it is shot on film with a unusual aspect ratio. So, you know, that's cool... There's also lots of ✨acting✨ and quirky camera angles… The final third is your typical mismatched buddy movie. Isn't it funny that the old man and young boy are so different? And yet, in many ways, aren't they the same? It is a totally unremark…
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Yes. Every single frame of this movie is a delight - even the closing titles. It is an explosion of outrageous colour, extravagant lenses, and delirious shots. Like an Escher woodcut electrified into life. I adored director Yorgos Lanthimos' earlier film The Lobster - this feel almost like that film was injected with several million more dollars and a sprinkling of psychedelics. This magic is what happens when you give creative people freedom to be as weird as their dare. As beautiful as it…
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After watching the First few series of the TV show "M*A*S*H", I thought I'd give the original movie a go. It isn't very good. Even if you ignore the rampant racism - and there is a lot of racism - you still have to content with the brutal misogyny - and it is toe-curlingly grim. Then you get the homophobia which, may have been of its time, but the sexual assault isn't. And if you can get past all of that, you still have to suffer though a movie that gets so bored of its central thesis (war…
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Oppenheimer is... fine? I guess? For ever gorgeously composed shot, there's a minute of plodding exposition. For every heart-breaking moment of self-doubt, there's a minute of plodding exposition. For every celebrity cameo, there's a minute of plodding exposition. That's why this is a decidedly average film. Every single actor is incredible - stuffed as it is with Oscar winners and nominees. But some of the dialogue is just risible - for example, the revelation that JFK had a bit-part in the …
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About a million years ago, I took a cute girl on a date to see the cult movie Lola Rennt. I felt pretty cool for knowing all about hip German cinema. I eventually married the girl, so she must also have thought I was pretty cool. Well, a few days ago, I found out that Netflix remade the film last year. In Hindi! Looop Lapeta (লুপ লাপেটা - literally "Crazy Situation Looping") is a hyper-modern update of the original, and it is joyous. It's lovely seeing a film made by someone who likes film-mak…
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The 2016 film "Passengers", with Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt, is a gruesome study in "because of the implication". JLaw's character wakes on a spaceship to discover that only Pratt's character is alive and has prematurely roused her from her slumber. She has, in effect, been murdered and the only way she can pacify this dangerous man is to sleep with him. It is a grim film. WHAT IF THAT WERE A ROM-COM!?!?!?! Anthony Mackie and Zoe Chao are stuck on a spaceship a million miles from…
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It's not often I go to a movie premiere. And it's less often that I go to a movie premiere of a film starring my mum! Straight 8 is an intriguing idea for a film competition. Film-makers have exactly one roll of Super8 film - which runs to about 3 minutes. The only editing they can do is in-camera. There's no audio - a soundtrack is submitted separately. And the first time they see the film is when it is shown on the big screen. The premiere at the BFI showed the top 25 films from the…
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Zombie films are always social commentary. The original Night of the Living Dead is a story of small-town racism and paranoia. One Cut Of The Dead is - if you'll pardon the pun - a cut above the rest of the zombie flicks. It asks some deep questions about cinema and the role of the audience. Are we morally culpable for the actions that occur on-screen? Without us, there is no bloodshed. Without our insatiable desire for more blood, more gore, more torture - there is no pain and suffering. And …
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There are movies before Being John Malkovich, and there are movies after Being John Malkovich. It sets the standard for celebrities playing heightened versions of themselves. Once of those post-Malkocivh movies is the criminally underrated JCVD. In JCVD, Jean-Claude Van Damme plays Jean-Claude Van Damme. He's an ageing movie star, dealing with a fading career, money problems, and divorce. Unexpectedly, he's caught in a criminal plot where he has to live up to his reputation as an action star.…
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This film is a masterpiece. Sure, the plot is nothing special ("What is the dark secret behind this seemingly idyllic life?!?) but it is directed with such flare and texture that it becomes a joy to watch. I can't remember when I last saw something which kept me engrossed just through the sheer inventiveness of its design. I love going into movies without knowing anything about them. I'd seen the poster (made it look like a romance movie) and I was vaguely aware there was some "drama" behind…
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