Seriously, pack up the tools of your trade, go home, pour yourself a stiff drink, and weep at what you have done.

The Poster

Here's a fun game for all the family! Play "spot the QR code" on this poster...

Bzzzzzt! Time's up! Did ya see it? What? No! How could that be?

Let's zoom in...

There! Right beside the warnings of "mild peril" lurks the QR code. Tiny, overly dense, and with no call to action.

Try scanning it. To make things slightly easier, I've given you a straight shot of the code.

Not easy, is it?

The Contents

It's usually best to use a short URL in a QR code. The smaller the data, the less dense the QR code, the bigger you can print each individual square.

Let's look at what this code contains

http://www.findanyfilm.com/Take-Shelter-custom_film~39285?
   utm_source=sonypictures&
   utm_medium=QRcode&
   utm_campaign=takeshelter  Cinema_BookNow

A few things to note.

• This code is ridiculously long.
• Is all that tracking data really needed?
• There is a space which hasn't been URL encoded as "%20"

The Site

Let's assume that you've seen the QR code. And that you've managed to scan it. And that your browser will open such a malformed URL. What reward awaits you? Something good, right?

Nope. This festering pile of shit.

A non-mobile site, flash heavy, poorly thought out, abomination of a site.

But, let's play along and try to find a screening near me.

Oh great. A pop-up.

So, no easy way to find a screening, see a trailer, or buy tickets. Just what is the point of this site?

If I were one for conspiracy theories, I'd say this marketing campaign was generated by someone who hates QR codes and wants them to fail. Putting Hanlon's razor in to action, I think this is more likely the work of someone who just doesn't understand what they are doing.

If you're interested in avoiding this sort of catastrophic blunder - give me a call. I can work with you to craft a QR campaign which doesn't suck.

There's also a confusingly similarly named company called See Film First with broadly similar aims. I'm not sure what, if any, relationship the two have.

Show Film First concentrate mainly on bloggers - getting them to exclusive screenings in the hope that they will generate some online buzz about a movie before release. To help you on your way to creating a blog, they've created a handy (if somewhat patronising) guide to blogging movie reviews.

I can highly recommend signing up to the services if you're interested in movies. The films I've seen have been a mixture of blockbusters (which probably don't need that much more buzz) and smaller films (which probably benefit the most).

On Saturday the 4th of December, Show Film First are holding an Online Opinion Former's Showcase. 7 hours of movies, trailers, and panel discussions in The Empire, Leicester Square. There is an admin charge of £10 - but I think that's well worth it considering what's on offer.

• 8.45 - Intro
• 9:00 - Part 1: showreel of the next quarter’s trailers
• 9.30 - Film 1
• 11.30 - Panel discussion 'Building an online film audience' led by Charles Gant (Heat, Guardian and Variety)
• 12.10 - Q&A opportunity
• 12.30 - Short break (lunch is not provided but apart from cinema concessions there are several food outlets in close proximity.)
• 1.00 - Part 2: showreel of the next quarter’s trailers
• 1.30 - An important Film issue Q&A
• 2.00 - Film 2
• 4.00 - End

Writing about the films is embargoed until the next day, and they're not releasing the titles of the films yet. They do say:

both films are previews, one releases later in December and one early 2011 and we're confident you wont be disappointed.

My guess is that one will be Tron. Although I'd dearly love the second to be the next Harry Potter instalment, I think it's more likely to be one of the other upcoming films.

You can follow ShowFilmFirst on Twitter and register on their website.

Legend Of The Fist

I attended a bloggers preview of Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen last week. Here's the trailer:

The film starts will a brilliant premise - Kung Fu vs the Nazis! What's not to love about that? Who wouldn't want to watch a couple of hours swastikas against shurikens?

Sadly, the film then diverts into a not very subtle "homage" to Casablanca. The plotting is confusing - especially if you're not well versed in the lore of Chen Zhen - or the television series Fist of Fury, of which this is a sequel. I also found it to be highly nationalistic - almost to the point of propaganda.

There's no doubt that Donnie Yen is a talented martial artist, but from the editing of this film, it's very hard to tell. Kung Fu movies have traditionally relied on fast editing to make the action look more dramatic than it is. Legend of the Fist contains so many sub-second edits that it's hard to follow the action - the viewer can't even determine whose foot is kicking whose face. The speed at which the cuts happen mean that you lose all the majesty and beauty of the balletic battle.

Take a look at this scene from Jackie Chan's "Rumble In the Bronx"

Yes, the editing is fast - but it lingers long enough so that we can see the sheer skill of the performers. Donnie Yen may as well not have been in Legend of the Fist - the fights are that quickly cut.

Overall, it's certainly a "wait for DVD film" - and only then if you're happy to put up with long gaps between the chaotic violence.

Harry Brown is an unremittingly violent film. Utterly devoid of sympathetic characters, it offers a terrifying glimpse into the fear, violence and sadism on an unnamed council estate.

Every scene is wired with tension - nervous tension which often culminates in bloody violence.

This is not a thought provoking film. It does not "raise serious issues". It simply exists to give vent to the violent feelings we all sometimes have.

In this film, women are almost entirely absent - even as set dressing. Much like Reservoir Dogs, they exist as background characters - there to be the object of violence. Emily Mortimer plays the role of A Furrowed Brow. This talented actress is reduced to portraying a brittle willow-branch of a character. I say "character" but like all the roles, it is merely a paper thin covering with character development achieved through poorly delivered exposition.

As an exercise in dark cinematic tension, this is a master-class. But unlike the aforementioned Reservoir Dogs, there's no flair. No cutting one-liners, no memorable characters, no rousing music or cinematic style.

This is ultraviolence-by-proxy. Rather than go out and get into a fight - stay in and watch the blood drip from caricatures of every little thug you've ever wanted to throttle.

Hobbes' Leviathan has it right;

Whatsoever therefore is consequent to a time of Warre, where every man is Enemy to every man; the same is consequent to the time, wherein men live without other security, than what their own strength, and their own invention shall furnish them withall. In such condition, there is no place for Industry; because the fruit thereof is uncertain; and consequently no Culture of the Earth; no Navigation, nor use of the commodities that may be imported by Sea; no commodious Building; no Instruments of moving, and removing such things as require much force; no Knowledge of the face of the Earth; no account of Time; no Arts; no Letters; no Society; and which is worst of all, continuall feare, and danger of violent death; And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.

I'm not ashamed to say that this film rattled me. There's no doubt that as an exercise in building tension it works magnificently. As an evening's entertainment; it's for those who want to relieve their frustration with the world by watching torture porn.