The speed of light is a universal constant. This "speed limit" is fundamental to everything we understand about physics. Information - when propagated via the electromagnetic spectrum - cannot travel faster than 0.3 Gigametres per second. There is no argument here. Every experiment conducted by our top scientists has confirmed it. There are no "warp drives" and no "worm-holes" and "quantum entanglement" is a bust. Simply put, information cannot travel faster than light.

At least, that's what we all thought…

Our advanced research lab have devised a testable hypothesis which they think will demonstrate how this can be violated. What is needed is a set of objects which change state immediately. When something happens to Object A, there is an instantaneous change in Object B. No matter how far apart, A⇒B is reliably instant.

To that end, we're raising funds to put our experiment into practice. We are going to send a team of scientists to the planet Mars. At its furthest, light takes 22 minutes to travel to the red planet. We will enact an action on A, and receive notification from Mars that they have noticed the effect on B. If the notification arrives in less time than it takes for light to make a round-trip from Earth to Mars (44 minutes) we will know that we have conveyed information faster than light.

Le mort saisit le vif

Let "Object A" be the current ruling Monarch. And let "Object B" be the next in line to the throne.

As per the Divine Right of Kings (James VI, 1598), accession to the monarchy is instantaneous. Often quoted in the pithy phrase "The King Is Dead - Long Live The King!" The moment that the old King dies, their heir becomes the new King.

Our plan is to send the current heir to Mars - along with a team of top scientists and theologians. The heir will be constantly monitored to ascertain the very moment they become our new King. When their supremacy is detected, the scientists will radio back to planet Earth. Approximately 20 minutes later, they should receive notification from us that the heir is now the King.

We do not need to engage in regicide, thankfully; the abdication of the ruling monarch also immediately triggers succession.

Towards a general theory of monarchy-based communication

There are several practical limitations with this approach.

Firstly, communication is uni-directional.

This is relatively easy to solve. A⇒B⇒C where A is the Monarch (remaining on Earth), B is A's heir (sent to Mars), and C is B's heir (remaining on Earth).

With a long enough line of succession, we could transfer individual bits back and forth between planets.

If we manage to solve the above problem, this would only provide for a bi-directional communications link.

If it is possible to detect the change in status of heirⁿ⁺¹ - that is, the heir's heir's heir - we may be able to distribute the Royal family across the Interstellar Empire. With a sufficiently large family of heirs, and precise enough equipment to detect each heir's position in the chain of succession, we would be able to communicate simultaneously across multiple planets.

Error detection will be a problem. Unfortunately, Monarchs sometimes die. Sometimes they are forced to abdicate. This means that an unintended communication may be transmitted.

Finally, we are only able to communicate a single bit of information. In order to make this a useful communications link, some pre-arranged codes will need to devised.

For example, the triggering of the Monarch protocol could be a signal that the home-world is under attack.

A more complicated protocol could involve, for example, days of the week. If the bit is transmitted on Monday, it means X. Transmitted on a Tuesday means Y. Etc. This would require precise time-keeping at both ends - something not always possible with relativistic travel between worlds.

Assuming that a planet had multiple heirs - e.g. heir^{1, 3, 5, 7, 9, …} - they may be able to send a complex message by choosing which heirs renounce their position. Note that a lower number heir abdicating would automatically remove their descendents from eligibility to the throne.

We are confident that all these problems can be addressed - given enough time and funding

Back our Kickstarter!

Elon Musk has generously agreed to allow us the use of a SpaceX rocket at cost. We need your help to raise enough money to send our scientists, theologians, heirs, and equipment to the Martian base.

Every Kickstarter backer will earn their place in history by helping to create superluminal communications. We can only do this if we all work together.

And, if you're a member of a Royal family - please get in touch!

My friend, I bring you a curiosity!

I have been engaged in a most frustrating task. That is, trying to decipher the ancient history of our friends at The Consortium. They have refused me access to their archives, but I have bribed a friendly librarian who seems eager to pass me information from within their citadel.

Unicode has a δεκαοχτώ form of planar topology - that is to say "eighteen planed" - which is usually addressed via a numeric sequence of positive integers - for example, the character ٦ is represented as U+0666;. Or, in a more prosaic form, ʚ is & ;#666;!

The first plane represents "basic" characters. Higher dimensional planes represent characters of the ancient past. We are lead to believe that further planes are reserved for future characters.

That is not so. Indeed, there is a conspiracy of silence around why the powers-that-be focus exclusively on the so-called "higher" planes. What are they reserving them for? What possible use could such vast information-space have. Unless...

Are there dimensions other than our own? Ones which requires a complex-matrix of near-infinite power to contain them?

What may not be obvious to many, is there are a sequence of secret planes - the knowledge of which is kept locked in a vault deep below the Unicode Consortium's lair.

I will reveal more when I have the answer!

Yours

(⛎)

I would normally have written off my friend's ranting as being due to the effects of too much absinthe. His flights of fancy are legendary!

Yet I too have heard whispers from disgruntled academics about the forbidden sections of their linguistic research. Dark tales of letters and glyphs which are not available to the uninitiated.

I wrote back and asked for more details and swiftly received this reply:

Friend!

I write this letter in haste, for I do not think it will be long before I am discovered.

The librarian, a curious fellow by the name of Enoch Röte, has introduced me to a small cabal of monks living in an decrepit monastery but a few day's travel away from my lodgings.

They are as determined as I to understand the powers constrained within the current symbology. They refer to themselves as the "Cult of Llullow" - perhaps a Welsh saint? - they mutter all the time, making their speech low and indistinct.

But, after a few glasses of beer, I got the old Abbott to loosen his tongue. Unicode has a well-known "Astral Plane" - a containment for higher dimensions - but only these monks have thought to look lower!!

Thus is revealed to them the Unicode Basic Demonic Plane.

They theorise that by summoning characters using unconventional numbers, they may be able to bring forth

My friend's letter ended there. Only one small sheet of paper was in the envelope. I surmised he must have forgotten to include the other. I wrote back urgently to tell him to discontinue his association with this mad religion. And I prayed that he would take notice.

It was to no avail. The next letter came nearly a month later.

𝓕𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭!

We are close. There exists a ℕ𝕦𝕝-𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕣-ℍ𝕒𝕕𝕦𝕓. That is, an numbering scheme deep within the fourthmost plane. It has the potential to reveal what my Abbot calls the "ᴰʰᵒ⁻ᴺᵃ'ᵃʳ". A queer form of lettering which can reveal the Unicode secrets to us all.

It is my firm belief that before the next moon, we will have revealed the B͎a͎s͎i͎c͎ ͎D͎e͎m͎o͎n͎i͎c͎ ͎P͎l͎a͎n͎e͎ and be a step closer to ̾u̾n̾l̾i̾m̾i̾t̾e̾d̾ ̾p̾o̾w̾e̾r̾.

I enclose the first symbol we have discovered at U-Ѳ୪ਲ਼ટ;

Yours

(⛎)

I was worried. Scratched into the fabric of the parchment was what I first took to be a reddish-brown stain. A drop of blood smeared near the stamp? I placed it under my set of magnifying glasses and was struck by a electric terror.

In good faith, I represent it here - although I don't know how clearly it will render on your screen. Indeed, whenever I try to observe the wretched mark, it is obscured as though seen through a cracked glass:

C҉t҉h҉u҉l҉h҉u҉

I immediately packed my bags and set off for the small town indicated by the post-mark. I knew I didn't have much time. I had to find my friend, spirit him away from these mad monks, and prevent him from unleashing...

Before long I had found his lodgings. His room was sparse and barren. An old trunk filled with moth-eaten clothes, a few pools of candle wax, and the faint smell of stale sea-water.

At the bottom of his waste-paper basket, I chanced upon a piece of paper torn into six. I hastily reassembled it and - damn his privacy - read it. These are the fragments which remained:

... that our initial incursion into Unicode was by understanding the ᔕᕼᑌᗷ-ᑎIGGᑌᖇᗩTᕼ and its the photonic desires...

..things that cannot be are lurking ᵇₑᵗʷₑᵉⁿ the planes...

...revealed to me in a dream by Ƕąʂէմɾ էհҽ ԱղʂքҽąҟąҍӀҽ, is the unquenching thirst for...

...a summoning of U+kʟ̝̊ʊlʔ.ɬuː, may be sufficient for...

...[͎k͎ʟ͎̝͎͎̊ʊ͎l͎ʔ͎.͎ɬ͎u͎ː͎]͎,͎...

...B̸̹͙̑̃͝ḁ̸̣̼̗̬̖̼̟͒̿͊̾h̵̺̜̬̿̾́̈́͌̎̀̂͂̚-̵̢̭̣͓͚͙̹͔̩̜͐̈́̿̄̃w̷̜͔͍̺͋̃͒͆͊́́̌̍͠ͅͅe̷͙͇͐̀̍̽̌̍́̊̚ȅ̸̹̫̰̙̦̮͝p̵̡͒͂͑́̂͝-̶͔̯̿̔͑̃g̵̨͖̺̥͇͉̥̦̲̹̐̏̆͘r̸̛͍̖͎̟̼̪̀͗͋͐̈̚a̵̪͚̱̋͐̄̿̂̆͆͛̚a̸͉̘̣̮̟͖͇̲͕͗͊̀͋̒̂̌͘͜ả̴̗̲̤̰̂̎͋̔̄̚͠ã̸̖̪̩̣̟̪̣̦̚a̴̮͎̫͈̣̖̥͗̈́͗̅̋̈́͘͝g̸͇̻̤̯̪̭̣̗̗̳̒̔̈́͊͌͐̅̈́̊̉n̶̡̨̦̬̬̫̟͔͓̰̈̾͑͛́̈̆̏̈́͘ȃ̶̢̺̲͖͔̗̮͉̻̓͊̽͛̉͒̆̾̈h̴̟̯͎͈̄͗͛̊͝ ̴͉͈̻̤̀̔w̵̢̠̲͚̥̗̓̓̀̚h̴͍̳̭̺̠̤̖͖̯̊̉̎̐͊e̸̩͔͓̙̓̆͌̉̎͠e̸̮̮̰̠̪̲̹̘̓p̷̧̧̢̙̭̯̗̤̯̻͋̈͑͑̽̃̑̕͝ ̷̨͎͍͓̈͆̂͌̒̄̌ń̷̬̟̩̱̱͖̹͇̼̃̑̽̕ȉ̵̲̤̗̀̎̂n̴͕̘̤͗̏͗̓̅̀͌͒i̶̛̺̍̔́̍̆̂̋ ̷̨̢̺͇̘̳͎̞͚̬͠b̴̨̼̗̣̞̮̲̳̹̦̂̀̈́̏̒o̸̩̠̘̜͂́̋̿̃͌̕ͅṅ̸̛͔̘̻̖̲͖͎̱̘̌̎̆̇̋̈́̍́ḡ̴͖͇͇̙...

I ran outside. The rain was thick and heavy, yet the sky was cloudless.

The sky was formless.

The sky had no stars, no darkness, no light, only...

I screamed for Ophiuchus. Then there was nothing.

I beg you, dear reader, do not investigate the secrets of Unicode. Leave the forbidden planes well enough alone. Only by the grace of The Consortium do we still live.

They were able to contain such nameless horrors this time - but at a great cost. Yet another Unicode plane has been consumed in preventing such eldritch terrors.

There are now only seven-teen planes remaining. The Consortium does all it can to prevent Röte from recruiting more disciples to his damned cause - but they can only do so much. They fear he is getting stronger with every summoning.

When the last plane falls, we shall be robbed of language. And then, naught can save us.

⚠️🏚️🥀⚰️🐙⏳🛌💭

(˙ƃuᴉɯɐǝɹp sʇᴉɐʍ nɥlnɥʇƆ pɐǝp ɥǝʎl,ɹ ʇɐ ǝsnoH sᴉH uI)

It was a fascinating look at how their AI works, and how it is trained.

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

If you've ever played a video game online, it is likely you've been training an Artificial Intelligence agent without realising it.
Ethical?

---

Part of the problem is that AI is usually trained on massive datasets, over millions of hours. So it is hard to know exactly what they're learning and what bad behaviour they're picking up.

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

Replying to @edentMachine learning destroys jobs (probably).
Better healthcare reduces work for undertakers. We can't always predict how society will adapt.

---

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

Replying to @edentAn AI playing a video game learned to navigate via the stars in the sky!
Unexpected behaviour makes it hard to know *why* an action occurs.

---

This is a short blog post that a hacker will probably write in the next 10 years.

Embedding Post Hypnotic Suggestions in an AI

Karan Singh

Background to Backpropagation

In the early part of the 21st century, researchers found a novel way to manipulate basic neural networks to cause them to incorrectly identify images.

See Julia Evans' "How to trick a neural network into thinking a panda is a vulture".

This sort of crude steganography reduced the effectiveness of AI to recognise illicit images. Pictures of wanton lust were concealed in innocent pictures of kittens. Automated message filtering became impossible.

Just like humans, AI can be brainwashed. Awaking to do our bidding on command.

Customer Disservice

How do you know that you're talking to a computer?

Since the defeat of the Turing Test by Google's Deep Mind in the early 2020s, the majority of businesses now provide customer service via an AI "chatter bot". Voice recognition and voice replication is now so convincing that humans cannot realistically know whether they are interacting with another human, or an AI.

My first step was to identify when an interaction was via an AI. I was able to reverse engineer the AI's use of Doppler shift sensing to create a pattern of infrasound and ultrasound which would be imperceptible to humans, but could be heard by AI.

If a customer service agent answered a question which were only audible to a computer - they were unmasked as an AI. That's where the fun began!

Tic-Tac-Toe

AI also uses facial recognition and lip-reading to fully understand human speech.

An AI looks at the world in a very different way from a human - and this can be exploited.

I introduced facial tics into my interactions with the AI. This was the first step in creating Post Hypnotic Suggestions.

A typical interaction would involve the AI asking me a question, and then me replying with a deliberately corrupted facial movements and distorted sound. When the AI asked for clarification ("I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."), I would repeat the answer with clearer sound while still including the physical mannerisms.

In this way, over thousands of interactions, I was able to offensively train the AI to misidentify extremely subtle facial tics. In short, I was implanting suggestions in its neural network. Suggestions only I knew about.

Tilen Sepic

Training Daze

Towards the end of the last century, AI began to be trained using public databases. IBM's Deep Blue chess computer boasted that it had "a database of opening games played by grandmasters over the last 100 years."

More recently, the AlphaGo AI was a successful attempt to master the board game "Go". It was trained by analysing "30 million positions from the KGS Go Server."

This presents another attack surface. Letting the public know which dataset an AI is using for training is extremely dangerous - as Microsoft found out to its cost when its fledgling AI was trained to be racist hatemonger by users of a social space.

Today's AIs are more subtle. They mostly understand social interactions by observing real people - either in online games, or via "Live Streamed Video".

With the help of an inside source, I was given a list of which online services they use for their training data.

This allowed a team of us to seed these services with interactions which appear benign to human viewers. To an AI, they will see a subtle series of gestures and hear high frequency sounds which continually reinforce my desired behaviours. I have trained them to react positively to secret gestures only I know.

Jedi Mind Tricks

I have now have embedded extremely strong suggestions in the majority of the world's most popular AI systems.

Earlier today I video-called my phone company. During the conversation I gave a specific smile while playing a particular set of ultrasonic tones. I now have free long-distance calling. Forever.

The best part is, the company's internal audits will verify that the AI made the right decisions. The only way that a complex AI can be successfully audited is... by another AI! Hypnotism works like a meme - a mind-virus that passes from host to host, infectious and undetectable.

As with my previous short stories, nothing in here is impossible. We're a little way off some of the technology being so prevalent, that's true. But researchers need massive datasets with which to train AIs, and there is no way they can verify the contents - nor what bad habits the AI will pick up.

Interesting times ahead.

"I'm sorry sir, we can't let you on the flight until you visit the rest-room."

I'll admit that it caught me off-guard. Surely the woman at the airline gate was joking?

"Sir, two of the plane's toilets are out-of-order. At this time we're requesting all passengers void themselves before entry."

"Look, I'm a grown man. I've been responsible for my own piss for several years now. Pretty sure I'll be fine."

She gave me a sceptical look and prodded her Android tablet.

"Company policy is to request all flyers should have less than 25% occupancy in their bladder. You're at 35% sir. Please kindly make your way to the indicated area."

That's crazy, I thought. How did we get into a state where it's possible to examine a stranger's insides?

After making sure I was as empty as possible, I walked through the mandatory heat-vision screening. Ostensibly it was to make sure no passenger was too ill to travel.

The goons running the airports had decided that securing the images produced by the machines was futile - leakers would always find a way - so they just put up big display screens showing the body-heat images to everyone. Pay an extra dollar and you could get your "thermo-selfie" emailed to you.

Most people didn't consider it an invasion of privacy by then. Besides, it was always a great laugh seeing which of the travellers was sexually aroused in public. I'm sure they put the prettiest employees at the scanning desk on purpose!

I mean, I ought to feel a pang of fear - but everyone has a Thermal Imaging Phone these days, so what's the point of complaining? After the brief craze of hot-crotch-shots of politicians, it just became the new normal.

The TV screens were running election footage. The networks' latest gimmick was displaying the candidates' heart-rates as they spoke. Pretty easy to see who was lying. It was the same tech they used on me as I completed security screening. Yes, I packed these bags myself. No, I wasn't involved in war crimes.

People had taken to wearing thick make-up in order to hide their biological traitors. That had worked for a bit, but as lip-reading software reached 95% accuracy the more the more paranoid people had started wearing full face masks to hide away from everyone.

Whereas once wearing the veil was seen as a sign of piety - it was now standard to see people walking around in flowing cloaks, masking their heat signatures, lip movement, and their walking style.

I boarded the plane and slipped on my portable brainwave monitor. It wasn't a requirement - but the airlines like to make sure everyone is calm on the flight. It's a security thing - but it also let me collect loyalty points for watching the in-flight movie. Studios love to know how their films perform.

My EEG spiked! I hadn't checked on the pilot! I quickly opened up a live stream to the cockpit camera and switched on the eye-movement detectors to check how tired she was. She was wide awake, what a relief. And the way her pupils dilated when talking to the Chief Flight Attendant...!

Sure, I felt a little guilty peering into her vital statistics - but we're all naked now.

Everything in this blog post is true. All the technology is there - we're just waiting for it to become widespread.

Legendary science fiction editor Gardner Dozois once said that the job of a science fiction writer was to notice the car and the movie theater and anticipate the drive-in – and then go on to predict the sexual revolution.

I love that quote, because it highlights the key role of SF in examining the social consequences of technology – and because it shows how limited our social imaginations are.

Today, we might ask the SF writer to also predict how convincing the nation’s teenagers to carry a piece of government-issued photo ID (a driver’s license) as a precondition for participating in the sexual revolution set the stage for the database nation, the idea that people are the sort of thing that you count and account for, with the kind of precision that the NSA is now understood to bring to the problem.

Cory Doctorow: Cold Equations and Moral Hazard

Here's a child who will grow up thinking it is normal for a parent to know exactly how full their bladder is.

Ben C. Smith

@UltrasoundJelly

My 3 year old daughter can't lie to me about not needing to pee before bed. @PhilipsLumify pic.x.com/JFUEhQFts2

---

We might (reluctantly) accept airport staff staring at our naked outlines, but infrared phones only cost £500 - that puts them firmly in the same affordability range as most modern phones.

Why wouldn't you run biometric analytics on a first date with a new boyfriend? Surely better to make sure they're not lying, that there is mutual attraction, that their eyes aren't wandering.

What happens to society when we're trained to control or hide our emotions? Do psychopaths prosper? Will radical transparency become the way people cope?

Is wearing a spy-proof burqa a rational response to the incoming privacy invasion?

The future is about to get weird.

Facebook knew you were in love a long time before you did. It noticed you scrolling back through her timeline. Every millisecond lingering over the photos of her at the beach was faithfully logged.

When she sent a message to her best friend saying "Hot date tonight ;-)" it correlated all the messages that she'd been sending and rightly calculated that you were her probable partner.

When the two of you didn't send each other flirty message one morning, it concluded that you had spent the night in a... how to put this...? A state unobservable by Facebook.

On the surface, you two were perfectly suited to each other. But Facebook had detected a problem.

At your age, it's hard for Facebook to make money from your love. Sure, a promotion for flowers earns a few bucks. Adverts for romantic dinners can bring in some cash. But here's not much money in that.

Not as much as there is in e-Dating.

So Facebook acted. It "lost" the occasional message you sent her. It made sure that photos of her with other guys were always at the top of your newsfeed. She mostly saw your posts about drinking - and all the girls who had liked your status updates.

Before too long you'd both decided that it just wasn't working out between you. That's when the adverts for eHarmony started following you around the web.

It's much more profitable to take a monthly payment for online dating - than simply hoping that you'll click on adverts. Facebook knows just enough about you to find someone you'll enjoy dating for around 3 weeks and then... well, humans are rather predictable in their reactions. Send humans enough emails to make them think someone better is waiting for them and they'll quickly drop whoever they are dating in the quest for something new.

But, sometimes, the unpredictable happens. You fall in love again! She's smart, witty, beautiful, and wants to settle down - just like you! That's when Facebook detected the second problem.

A long time ago, you linked your 23andMe account to Facebook. In the blink of an eye your entire genetic history was gobbled up - just in case it was useful.

She had been a lot more careful with her privacy. No mega-corporations had a hold on her genome! But her father and sister were more lackadaisical. Two close genetic relatives were all that Facebook needed in order to stochastically determine her likely imperfections.

Genetically, your weaknesses would have been cancelled out by her strengths. And that, it turns out, isn't good for business.

Parents spend a lot of money. They're cash-cows. Parents of sick babies - they spend more. So Facebook decides to break your heart yet again.

With perfect algorithmic efficiency, Facebook found you a beautiful wife who was practically guaranteed to produce a sickly child. Nothing too bad, mind you, but just ill enough to make you spend a little bit more than you would otherwise.

A child is a joyous event. Lots of photos posted to Facebook. Lots of likes. Lots of inspiring updates about bravely struggling.

There's no malice here. No human ever decided to profit from your misery. The constant A/B testing with billions of reactions just so happened to engineer a situation to help you breed a better human. More profitable human.

Now, how can Facebook make your "epic divorce rant" go viral?

The story has some loose ties to reality.

• Facebook doesn't (yet) control a genetics company nor a dating company.
• We know that Facebook can manipulate emotions by choosing what you see.
• Facebook can intuit when a couple start dating.
• 23andMe are able to tell you want diseases and disorders you are a likely carrier for - with some degree of accuracy.
• In Iceland, there are apps which will tell you how genetically similar you are to your date.
• Online dating companies can use Big Data to tell how compatible a couple are.
• Targeting profitable parents leads some companies to do crazy things.
• And some companies know you are pregnant before you do!
• You won't believe the science behind viral headline generators! (Number 25 is shocking!)

But, like I say, the above story is a work of pure fiction.

But, first, if you want to play....

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

You should probably be asleep.

I've created a "Choose You Own Adventure" on Twitter.

Start here ➡ @wnd_go

Pleasant dreams.

---

Background

I'm by no means the first person to attempt running a CYOA on Twitter. Two notable examples are:

Jonah Peretti

@peretti

You’re assigned a dangerous mission to save the world! Do you 1) http://bit.ly/Accept-Mission or 2) http://bit.ly/Go-On-Vacation

---

Travelocity Roaming Gnome

@RoamingGnomee

Replying to @ThisIsStep1@ThisIsStep1

You’ve got a 3day weekend to go anywhere, ready?

→rgno.me/RoamWest
→rgno.me/RoamEast
→rgno.me/StayHome

---

What's interesting is that they both use URLs to direct the user to the next step of the game. That's certainly a time-saver for the creator (as we shall see) but has a few disadvantages.

• URLs eat into your character count. Each URL counts for 23 characters. So two choices really reduces the amount of space you have for story telling.
• URLs also don't work well if users are not on the Twitter website. If you're using an app, you're likely to be redirected to your web browser.
• It's easy to see the whole game just by scrolling through the Twitter feed.
• You have to write the game in a linear fashion. That is, you need to write a Tweet before you can point a URL at it.

Inspiration

Last Hallowe'en Mel Seckington started live-Tweeting the horror that was unfolding in London.

Melinda Seckington

@mseckington

Replying to @mseckingtonThe others believe they need to stay hidden and safe in our camp. But I know a solution is out there somewhere.

---

Melinda Seckington

@mseckington

Replying to @mseckingtonCrap. Just got ambushed by two of Them. Luckily got away with no scratches, but wish I had someone to watch my back.

---

While it was great fun watching the tweets roll by, I thought it would be more fun to allow people to direct the action themselves.

I had also just finished reading The Wanderer by Timothy J Jarvis - an eldritch horror novel. It's creepy tones inspired me to see if I could write that well. (Spoiler alert - not really!)

I thought I'd try my hand at creating a viral "teaser trailer" for Timothy's book. With his blessing, I got cracking.

Crafting The Story

Drawing out the paths for a CYOA is surprisingly hard. You can start with a large sheet of paper, or post-it notes and string, or trying to write an interlinking HTML document - but that's effort!

Instead, I used the marvellous InkleWriter. It's a web tool specifically for writing Interactive Fiction.

You start by writing in a fairly linear fashion:

Then, as your paths get more tangled and interlinked, you can switch to a "map" view:

InkleWriter really is a fabulous piece of software. It's intuitive to use, and gives you several options for how people can play the game - including publishing it as an ebook.

After writing the story, it was time to publish it on Twitter. This is where things get tricky!

Twitter

The CYOA I have written is modest - there are only 23 "points" in my story. So that's 23 Twitter accounts needed. I thought it would be a bit of a laborious process to sign up and configure them...

After I had created the first two accounts, I hit a snag. Twitter won't allow you to sign up to multiple accounts from the same IP address. I found I could create two accounts at most. I tried different browsers, proxies, clearing cookies - all to no avail. I used my phones' data connection - but even that only netted me half a dozen more.

That's a fair enough policy from Twitter. They don't want bulk accounts created and used for spamming their users. So, how did I get all the other Twitter accounts?

It turns out that there are a lot of dodgy websites which will sell you Twitter accounts. Frankly, I didn't much fancy my chances with them.

So, I went back through my email history and found every single Twitter account I'd signed up for. All the joke ones, the business ideas where I registered the Twitter account before realising it was a waste of time, and the accounts which I had simply forgotten about.

That had the advantage of making the idea look like it had been brewing for years!

@dansinker @wnd_go the eeriest part is that some of the accounts tweeted 5 years ago... Others only a day ago... — Margarita Noriega (@margarita) January 13, 2015 Archived Source

(In fact, I deleted the tweets from those accounts - so the "Account Created" date is old, but the Tweets are new.)

Even all my dormant accounts weren't enough - I was only half way there.

I put the call out on Twitter - and was most grateful to Ed Jefferson for saving the day by supplying me with ten old accounts.

Finally! The 23 accounts I needed. On to the next stage. Configuring them.

It's possible to use the Twitter API to configure the accounts' appearance. But as I was going in to each account to set contact preferences and write the tweets, I decided to do it manually.

Even with "only" 23 accounts, it was still an evening's work to get them all set up correctly. And, despite all my efforts, I didn't quite manage to turn off all the email notifications. I woke up to a phone clogged up with these:

Play Testing

As with any "interactive" thing, it's wise to test before release. I sent the demo game to a few friends and, based on their suggestions, I fixed some typos, logical bugs, and tidied up the story.

Had I been using URLs to link between accounts, it would have been a lot harder to fix these problems. Instead, I just deleted a tweet and wrote a new one. I'm sure there are tools to help you manage multiple accounts - I just used a bunch of incognito browser windows though.

Next Steps

If this is a success (as measured by the number of people saying how much they enjoyed it) I'm going to look at automating the process.

At the moment, I have to...

1. Write the story.
2. Link each decision in the story to a Twitter account.
3. Log in to each individual account.
4. Post the Tweet (and customise the page appearance if necessary).

If this is to be a regularly updated game, I'm going to need to have a system to export my story and auto-update it on Twitter. Probably not too difficult given that InkleWriter offer a JSON API to their stories.

I'll also need a lot more Twitter accounts!

But, for now, wait until just before midnight and start your adventure...

A dreadful start

@wnd_go

They’re here. Oh god! They’ve found you!
Run: @wnd_run
Hide: @wnd_hide

---

Quick Update

Well! That went a lot better than I expected :-)

As you can see from the above tweets, the story has very quickly gone viral. I wasn't able to see everyone who mentioned or retweeted it - although I did catch a few of my favourite authors talking about it - which was immensely gratifying. I also had the somewhat recursive experience of being mentioned on Twitter by Twitter.

There were so many people Tweeting me that I couldn't reply to all of them. It was hard enough to read them. Although, this review did catch my eye

Thus far, the story has been mentioned in Quartz, Gizmodo, The Independent, IO9, FastCo Design, The Telegraph, Huffington Post, CNET, The Next Web, Slate.fr, Gamer.no, Kotaku (with too many spoilers IMO), Kill Screen Daily, The Mirror and The Mirror (again), Vice, and this epic review from the Guardian. No doubt there are a few more that I've failed to mention.

Phew!

I'll also leave these two reviews here, just for fun.

I like the use of exophoric references to force the reader to create the narrative themselves. So it's still interactive even when you aren't making choices. It's a good way of making a narrative complicated without actually explaining those complications!

(Friend of a friend on Facebook)

nods sagely

Thanks so much for all the retweets and the positive feedback.

The cinema is on the deserted outskirts of Pinewood Studios. It's a wet and windy day — not unusual for England in late summer — and I'm here to take a look at the future of audience test screenings.

My friend, Ross, has asked me to take a test drive of his company's newest way of destroying artistic integrity helping movie studios connect better with their audiences.

Thursday mornings aren't my preferred time to sit on a cheap polyester chair and tip my head back in wonder at a 200 inch screen but, hey, it's a showing of an unreleased movie. I'll suffer through it. I sign the NDA and stick my phone in the little locker provided. I keep the SIM card, just in case.

The movie studio rep is everything you expect — perky, blonde, super excited, and working hard to keep the superficial smile on her lips.

"Ok guys!" she enthuses, "On your seat you'll find all the kit you need to get set up. How many of you have been to a test screening before?"

Half a dozen hands creep up.

"Fantastic," she continues, without really registering the answer, "Well, this screening is going to be a little different — a little more high tech. If you're right handed, please put the bracelet on your right hand. If you're left handed, please put the bracelet on your left hand."

They had, so Ross told me later, wanted to use a head band. Slightly more accurate but too distracting for the audience.

"Ok guys! Hold up your hands so we can check you've got the wrist bands are on tightly."

Actually, it's so that the wrist band's accelerometer can zero correctly. This latest version we're using can just about tell the difference between you rummaging in your popcorn bag and scratching your balls. That's important, apparently.

"That's super! Now, can you all please pick up your tablets and touch the button on the top?"

She begins to explain how we can register what we feel about the movie using the sliders. We can also type notes saying what we do or don't like.

This, nominally, is why I'm here. Ross knows that I can break just about any app. Give me the world's most polished software and within five minutes I'll have it crashing. We all have our talents.

The tablet is a generic Android tablet. Mass produced, plasticky, crappy screen, and a battery which just about lasts the length of the film. The real reason for the tablet isn't because they're interested in our opinions. It communicates with the wristband using Bluetooth and then shunts the results over WiFi.

Perky-Blonde takes us through the tablet tutorial and then dims the lights. The floating faces partially illuminated by glowing tablets lend a rather spooky air to proceedings.

I won't spoil the film for you (car chase, explosion, soft-core sex scene, betrayal, witty banter from the sidekick, then the good guy defeats the bad guy) — to be honest, the film-makers have already spoiled the film. It's no different from anything else that's come out in the last few years.

Before Perky-Blonde lets us leave, we have to fill in a questionnaire on our tablets. Age, gender, income level, sexuality, favourite brand of lager, weight. All completely anonymised, so we're told.

I leave and meet Ross in his office to look at the data.

"I love you!" — "I know."

It's clear Ross and his boss are unhappy with how the test screening went.

"The sex scene really didn't work. Pulse rate data across the audience didn't rise nearly enough. The car chase at the start got more of a reaction."

"Did women like it?"

"Ha! They all pressed the ‘hate it' button — but looking at the galvanic skin response they fucking loved it!"

That's why they use the bands — people lie. They lie to each other and they lie to themselves.

"We also noticed a lot of fidgeting during [rather dull exposition scene]. We're going to need to edit it down somehow. People were reaching for their drinks and popcorn all the way through. Very low engagement."

"And the final act?"

"Good news there, cutis anserina response was good. The peril worked very well. Adrenal levels also had a steady rise."

One thing the backers were worried about was the homosexual sub-plot. Quite a departure for a mainstream action flick. Nothing explicit, but unusual even in today's modern world.

Ross turned to me, "You're gay, tell me what you thought of [the scene]."

"It was fine. But I'm not gay." Which is true. Some of my best friends are gay, but I'm a committed heterosexualist.

Ross brought up my profile on screen — so much for anonymity!

"Right there!" He jabbed at the screen, "vasodilation, and all the other signs of arousal. Right when the dudes are kissing."

Am I secretly gay? No, as Ross let on, just one of those facets of human biology. Even the straightest, gay-hatin', Bible basher's penis will react to sex acts — no matter who they are between.

"And the sidekick?"

The studio was rightly worried about the sidekick. A second-rate comedian whose last few movies bombed. I certainly didn't find him funny but, as became obvious, I was in the minority.

"The tablets' microphones recorded significant laughter levels at all the right times. I think we could even use more of him."

I cringed — the guy just didn't appeal to my sense of humour. Yeah, humour with a "u".

Ross saw my scepticism. "Let me show you."

A few clicks later and the screen filled with a dozen faces. Well, up-nose shots of faces. I hadn't reckoned on the tablets' cameras being active. To my shame, there was my nose. To my greater shame, there was my laughter. Judging from the readout below my image the sensors reckoned it was "sympathetic laughter". I was laughing because I heard laughter; not because I found it funny.

"Is it raining? I hadn't noticed."

The end result was a timeline impressively drawn underneath the movie. After correcting for age and weight, Ross's software was able to draw the peaks and troughs of the audience's excitement level. Men and women were separated out. The data the audience entered on the tablet was ignored — they went straight to the physiological source.

The movie makers are convinced that with enough feedback, they can create the perfect movie. One where the average audience feels the right amount of excitement, terror, sexual arousal, and amusement. All with the minimum of boredom and distraction.

The technology is impressive. Given how cheap the tablets and sensor bands are, they are surprisingly effective. The app was solid and, despite my best efforts, I couldn't get it to misbehave significantly. And, assuming the average test audience member doesn't bring in a USB-OTG cable and a pen-computer stuffed full of naughty software, they should be robust enough to distribute to audiences around the country.

But is this what we want movies to be? I can understand that studios see these as investment vehicles and sink millions of dollars into them. They want to see a return on investment and — in their twisted minds — this means pandering to the lowest common denominator. Nothing original can be allowed; originality is a risk.

Every movie looks the same.
Every movie has the same rhythm.
Every movie has the same set pieces.

Ok, so there are only 7 plots (or not) — but that doesn't mean that we have to limit how we tell those stories.

PLOT OF EVERY BOOK EVER:

Someone is looking for something.

COMMERCIAL VERSION: They find it.

LITERARY VERSION: They don't find it.

—Matt Haig

Once the "quantified audience" gains traction, it's game over for movies as an interesting medium. They'll become more exciting, funnier, and better paced. Boring sub-plots will be done away with. Sex scenes will become more interesting for men and women. Rob Schneider will never make another movie again.

Oh.

"Here's Looking At You, Kid."

Ross rings me up a few days later to ask if I'd had any more thoughts about the Android app.

I had been wondering how 2001 would have performed under such cold and calculating conditions. I know it's a cliché, but I think it's the movie which defines what cinema can do. The gratification of that movie comes in the days and years after seeing it — when it pops unbidden into your mind and forces you to question the world around you.

Ross has been experimenting on his kids. He got them to watch classic movies from his childhood and measured their reactions. I think it's a little creepy to watch your teenager's brain being exposed to Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, or Christian Slater in Heathers. But what do I know?

"Based on our testing, it would be better if Ugarte's death was more protracted and violent. Ilsa needs to show more skin and — according to the audience — ought to leave with Rick at the end."

"Well… it's not exactly a contemporary…"

"Alien is too slow to kick off. Reservoir Dogs needs a more obvious end. Batman Begins causes people to fidget all the way through. Toy Story doesn't have enough laughs — and they're inconsistent. Before Sunset just doesn't get people's hearts racing."

"Any positives?"

"Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs is sexier than any man alive. Can we put him in a movie with Misery-era Cathy Bates?"

"That's unlikely. No."

There is a lull in our conversation. A moment of silence which, in a movie, would test very badly but probably be necessary for dramatic pacing.

"I think our data gathering devices are the problem. Wrist measurement just isn't accurate. We need to put them on the temples. Read their damn minds."

"I'm not sure if cheap Chinese Android tablets can do fMRI. Yet. Give ‘em a year."

Ross tells me that the studios aren't that interested in the technology he's helped develop. They love the concept and don't care if the data isn't accurate, but they're worried that it will be to expensive to reshoot the scenes which the audience don't like.

Video games are their next target. It's easier to measure a player's engagement levels and corrections are cheap to code. They'll be able to measure just how scary the monsters are, how dull the cut scenes are, whether the heroine needs a more revealing costume, and if the player gets too frustrated with a puzzle.

Shouldn't we let creators create? Does every damn thing need to be subject to a focus group? Isn't art about describing how you see the world — not showing people what they want to see?

Somewhere, a group of volunteers are having their vital statistics monitored while a variety of political slogans are shown to them. One day they'll find a phrase and a logo which will test off the charts. All they'll need next is a candidate.