I think that people need to be more open about failure. None of us are perfect - despite what our social media presence says - and all of us suffer rejection. But, by being open and honest about it, we make it easier for others to realise that they're not alone.

In that spirit - here, in no particular order, are the recent jobs which I failed to get. I've lightly edited most of the employer details.

Head of Open Source - Social Media Company

Bit of a long shot. Role was based in the USA and I'm not. But everyone is remote now, right? I thought I was an excellent match for the job spec, and I was genuinely eager to help them improve.

Perhaps I've been too snarky about them on Twitter, or perhaps my CV wasn't as enthusiastically American enough - but didn't even get to interview stage.

CTO - Large Government Department and Small Government Department

This is the sort of role that I think I want in the future. I didn't get an interview for either of these. But the process of applying was extremely instructive. I chatted with some of the team members and recruiting manager, found out more about what the job was likely to entail by speaking to people who did similar roles, and some friends sent me their own CVs to review.

Again, I didn't get interviews. But, I wasn't expecting to. Part of the application is letting recruiting teams know that's the track I'm on so - hopefully - they consider me when I'm closer to the goal.

Deputy Director - Small Government Department

An immediate rejection! But, crucially, with excellent feedback. They wanted someone with more financial / Treasury experience. Not much I can do about that, and good to know where I might be lacking.

More importantly, it came with an offer to discuss future opportunities. Some of the best people I've hired have applied for one job, but have then been asked to apply for another. Putting your CV in front of decision makers is always a good idea.

Deputy Head - Fairly New Government Department

If I'm honest, this was a bit of a dream job. It sounded like a lot of technical fun in an interesting growth area.

The interview panel asked me to prepare a 5 minute presentation on a specific subject. So, of course, I panicked and spent far too long on that and not enough time reading up about the department and their priorities.

I thought the interview went well. I've sat on the other side of the table enough times to know when a candidate is bombing.

Of course, afterwards I realised all the stupid mistakes I made. I misunderstood one of the questions and had to be course-corrected. I thought one of the panellists was someone else. I gave a crappy, rambling example when asked a simple question.

I waited patiently, then got this response.

You have reached the required standard, but we are unable to offer you a job immediately. We have placed you on a reserve list from which future appointments may be made.

Well! OK! I'm aiming at the right level but someone pipped me to the post. That's slightly annoying - but shows I'm on the right track.

Deputy Director for Technology - Internationally focussed Department

BZZZT nothing. I stressed my extensive international experience, and my work with startups and large corporates. With no feedback to go on, I'm not sure what I was missing. Oh well!

Deputy Director for Telecoms Policy - Take a Wild Guess!

I had mixed feelings about this one. I spent a decade working in the mobile industry on 3G and 4G deployment issues. Did I really want to go back to that world for 5G stuff? On the other hand, wouldn't it be good to have someone with practical experience in the role? Or is that too "poacher turned gamekeeper"?

I contacted the hiring manager beforehand to get a sense of what they were looking for. They tried to set up a call, but there was never a convenient time. Either I should have been a bit more proactive and persistent - or they already knew who they wanted to hire.

I thought my CV showed the right mix of telco and government experience. But, the panel didn't agree! Immediate rejection. I'd love to know what I should have done differently.

I appreciate they have hundreds of applicants, but it's hard to improve without feedback.

Deputy Director (Opportunities Across Government)

This was a "general call" to recruit Senior Civil Servants. I was expecting the competition to be fierce, and it sounds like they got a tonne of applicants. So they whittled them down with the dreaded online aptitude tests!

The verbal reasoning tests were so interesting. The tests are adaptive - changing their difficultly depending on how you do. By the end, I was being asked really tough questions. So I think I did OK - but I felt like I was answering "the data are ambiguous" too often. Maybe that's what they want?

The maths test were much more fun to do than the verbal tests. Lots of data manipulation. Again, I second-guessed myself for lots of the answers. I hate taking exams - and this reinforced that hatred.

A few weeks later, I got the "I regret to inform you" email. Interestingly, they gave me my test results back:

Numerical Reasoning test

Your score was 84%, meaning that you scored better than 84 percent of other SCS applicants who completed the test.

Verbal Reasoning test

Your score was 95%, meaning that you scored better than 95 percent of other SCS applicants who completed the test.

How about that! My self-assessment was back-to-front. I'm rather happy with those scores - although I obviously need to practice my maths more. I can't help wondering if they only wanted the top 1%, or whether it was something else in my application which turned them off.

Like The Murphys

Although it's slightly cathartic talking about this publicly, I'm not bitter about my experiences. In some cases, the role wasn't right for me. And, in others, I wasn't right for the role. I've recruited enough people to know that there's nothing a candidate can do if there are hundreds of CVs to review and theirs just doesn't hit the right keywords. And I've interviewed enough people to know that sometimes one candidate just shines.

Spending several weeks searching and applying for jobs is stressful. And I'm glad that I'm doing it from a position of employment.

Every person you admire, every person that you think is a success, is standing on a towering pile of rejection letters.

So, what have you failed at this week?

Go big, or go home!

And

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.

Samuel Beckett

Well, I've failed and now I'm heading home. Last year I applied for a place on a Master's programme at the Oxford Internet Institute. I was desperate to spend a year studying the Social Science of the Internet. It felt like it was the perfect intersection of my interests and would be an excellent springboard for the next stage in my career.

I didn't get a place.

I put together what I thought was a cracking application, but the competitive nature of the course meant that I didn't even get an interview there. I tried punching well above my weight and, unsurprisingly, did not come off victorious.

I'd love to say that I am bowed but not broken, but I'm not sure that's the case. I've got a rough few days of grieving ahead of me. This post isn't written to elicit sympathy (OK, maybe just a bit) but to tell you what I learned from failure, in the hope that it might help you.

Boasting Feels Great

The advice I got from the admissions body was "Americans boast". Every student who applies to Oxford has won an award, or scholarship, or trophy, or honour. Even if it is "Best Kept Dorm Room" - the Americans will put it on their CV. The British, by contrast, will leave a tiny line at the bottom saying winner of the Nobel Prize and given the la Légion d'honneur.

So, I wrote the most prideful CV I could. Imagine your mother trying to marry you off to a Doctor. Every little achievement I'd had was turned into a monumental success, every project I'd been involved with was world-beating, and my driving licence is spotless!

It felt fantastic. In part, it helped me to realise that I've been involved in some pretty big and important projects. I also got to see myself without all the layers of self-doubt and pettifoggery. Not only do I have a shiny new CV, I also have a clearer cut idea of what I have achieved in my life.

People Are (Quite) Nice

Initially, I didn't want to tell anyone what I was doing. I didn't want to be seen as boasting, I didn't want to be seen as a failure, I didn't want to need anyone's help. In retrospect, this was ridiculous. None of my friends would have thought less of me for trying - I know I wouldn't think any the less of them.

I also didn't take advantage of my social network as much as I should have. I asked a few close family members to proof-read my CV, statement of purpose, and writing sample. Given that I know plenty of journalists and academics, I could have asked for a lot more help. I didn't - mostly because I wanted any success to be due to my own brilliance, not due the help of others. Yeah...

I need to learn to be more open. I need to trust my friends and colleagues more.

Money Makes The World Go Round

Studying is expensive. Not only does it cost tens of thousands of pounds to study - but it's also a year without receiving a salary. My wife and I spent several months planning budgets, seeing where we were wasting money, and working out what our long-term financial goals were.

If it teaches me nothing else, this experience has really helped us quantify our spending habits and make some much needed changes to our lifestyle.

Learning Is Hard

I decided to brush up on my statistics knowledge and also to start reading more published scientific papers.

It was pleasantly surprising to see that I was still able to pass a GCSE Stats paper - and I was able to follow along with the A-Level Stats tutorials.

Reading scientific papers is tricky if you're not already immersed in the world of academia. I found them poorly formatted and often overly verbose. Of course, part of the problem is that I didn't understand a lot of what I was reading. After trying to wrap my head around this paper for a couple of hours, I began to get the inkling that an academic's life was not for me!

I don't know how kids manage to learn these days. I found myself constantly distracted by notifications, the urge to check websites, and the multitude of digital wonders I have to play with. In the end, I switched to a dedicated tablet with nothing on it but a PDF reader and with the WiFi blocked.

References

I was advised that I needed three references - one of which should be academic. Given that I left university over a decade ago, I decided to ignore that advice and go with three professional referees. I'm not sure if that's what lead to my rejection, but I need to learn that sometimes I just have to follow the rules.

That said, I was beyond delighted when all three agreed that, not only was the course perfect for me, but they would be happy to write references.

Experience told me that all three were busy people - and weren't necessarily conversant in what needed to be in a reference. So, I offered to write a sample reference for them. Again, this was an exercise in "anti-humility" - I had to write in the third-person about myself in the most glowing way possible. An uncomfortable but useful exercise.

Failing Hurts

I rarely compete in anything - no sports, no online video games, no high value competitions - and the reason is that I hate failing. I guess that most people don't like failing - but for me it seems to be a visceral and nauseating experience. I don't take much joy in winning either - I often feel that if I could win, the competition must not be sufficiently rigorous.

That's an unhealthy attitude. Life sometimes involves failure and, frankly, I need to grow a pair.

So, I've had a few months of anxiety which are now going to be followed by a few weeks of being grumpy and attempting to eat my body-weight in chocolate.

I'm proud of myself for trying. I'm proud that failure hasn't crushed me. Now I need to be proud of how I move on.