Candidates - I beg you - make this easy for me!

I have been given a fixed set of scoring criteria and you've given me a 2,000 word essay on your life, loves, and hopes for the future. I've only got a few minutes per candidate to read, digest, rank, and score each application.

Here's my 100% guaranteed method for maximising the impact of your cover letter.

• Address the selection criteria.

That's it. That's the tip.

Let's say the job advert says "We're looking for a team leader who can increase sales. You must be proficient with StarOffice 5.1 and Infinidash. Being fluent in a second language is desirable, but not essential."

Here's what your covering letter should say:

Dear X

[Short and polite preamble about why you're interested in the role / organisation.]

With regard to your selection criteria:

Team Leader

I currently manage a team of 7 SuperChimps. I take great pride in keeping them fed and watered. In the last 12 months none have died in the line of duty - which I believe is a testament to the way I have trained them. I set challenging but realistic targets. My 360 feedback indicates that I am a respected leader.

Increase Sales

When I worked for Universal Exports, we were only the 5th largest provider of laser watches in the world. I increased sales 117% - mostly through my ability to destabilise governments by infiltrating them with aggressive SuperChimps. My efforts helped us move to 4th largest provider.

Technical Proficiency

I am an AWS certified practitioner of Infinidash. I have led several workshops for my team of SuperChimps to help them understand the platform. I have used StarOffice 4.7 extensively to create spreadsheet reports and canteen menus.

Language Fluency

I have a GCSE in Latin and a 57 week Duolingo Streak in Klingon.

My background in team-lead sales, coupled with my technical experience means that I am well qualified to take on the role of Technical Lead in your Bananas-as-a-Service business unit.

[Polite boilerplate about looking forward to working with them etc]

There you go. You've taken the essential and desired requirements. You've written them as headings (in the same order as the advert). You've written a short paragraph which explains how you meet the criteria and quantifies where possible.

The poor sod who has to look through your cover letter will be ecstatic.

Disclaimer

Obviously this does not guarantee you will get an interview. But it significantly improves the chances of the interviewer discovering the relevant bits of your experience.

When you create a cover letter or CV or any other document - think about the reader's user experience. This isn't an exercise in writing beautiful prose in iambic pentameter. This isn't the time to stroke your own ego. You are making it easy for the reviewer to quickly see if you meet the requirements for each section.

That's it.

Imagine that you're trying to look through a page of A4 to see if the candidate even mentions their teamwork experience. Then you have to scan through again looking for sales experience. Urgh! Infuriating!

Secret Rules

I loath the idea of "secret" rules. For example, the nonsense idea that you must write a thank-you note to your interviewer. They are discriminatory practices which are designed to enforce a monoculture.

But this isn't a secret rule. Most adverts say something like: "Please supply a CV covering your work history, and a covering letter explaining your suitability."

And no one is going to junk your application just because you don't follow my advice. They'll just find it slightly harder to see why you're a good fit.

I also hate gimmicky tips like send your application in a gold envelope.

But this isn't a gimmick. It's a pragmatic way to answer the question you've been set.

I wish the recruitment industry would junk the idea of cover letters and move to structured forms. Perhaps it is slightly dehumanising to ask people to fill in a dozen little boxes. And maybe it is annoying for candidates to reformat their applications for every job. And maybe I should drop half the CVs in the bin to avoid employing unlucky people.

Either way. To improve your chances of getting an interview - and to improve my chances of retaining my sanity - please consider how you structure your cover letter.

In the middle of it, was this doozy. "Put your application in a gold coloured envelope so it stands out from the crowd!"

This struck me as… unusual advice. But I checked against the Twitter hive mind.

Terence Eden is on Mastodon

@edent

Employers - if you received a job application in a gold coloured envelope, would that make the applicant stand out?

---

Yes: (101)
101
Yes but not in a good way: (319)
319
No: (66)
66
No but in gold: (132)
132

---

I remember, during my first job hunt, being told by well-meaning advisers to "walk into the office, ask to speak to the manager, and hand over your CV! Remember a firm handshake!"

Even at the fag-end of the last century (why am I so old?!) this was objectively terrible advice. Most places wanted you to fill in a standardised application form. Sure, there were a handful of small places which would take an unsolicited CV - but they were extremely rare. And, frankly, not the sort of places which would be a springboard for a career.

Today... I can't even remember the last time I posted off a job application. Most of the things I see don't even have a postal address available. It's either "fill in this crappy online form…" or "send an email to…" or "attend this webinar to register…"

I've run dozens of recruitment campaigns - at senior and junior level - and I can't ever remember receiving a physical application form.

Would there be some novelty in receiving a coloured envelope? Sure! But I doubt I'd see it. Assuming the mail reached the right member of staff (who is probably WFH) - they'll be on the HR team. They're not going to care about one envelope - just whether you've put the right keywords to make it past the sift.

Of course, maybe my rarefied tech-industry lifestyle has left me ignorant to what things are like in the "real world". I don't doubt there are some industries where turning up unsolicited with a CV is a good way to get a foot in the door. And I'm sure some businesses run mainly on snail-mail. And having an online-only application discriminates against the digitally excluded.

But giving this sort of outdated advice to new entrants in the job market is just cruel.

I promise you these are all real - only lightly adjusted for privacy. Hopefully they'll help you realise that even senior people make mistakes.

Bring your whole self to work... but not like that!

A candidate with the email address of "ChunkyFudgeLover@....." another with "SexyLipsAndKisses@...."

Some people find a Hotmail address a little passé - personally I don't care. It looks great if you're applying for a technology role and have your own professional domain. But sticking with the same "quirky" email address from university looks unprofessional. Not a show stopper, obviously.

"My hobbies include swimming, sailing, and I have recently gotten divorced."

A personal bugbear of mine. I don't care what you do at the weekends. I will assume you are a totally normal human who enjoys totally normal human activities. If you can tie your sporting achievements to the job spec, great. If not... leave them off! I've got lots of long CVs to read and you being captain of the hockey team plays 0% of the decision I make.

And I certainly don't need to know your marital status. Which brings me on to...

Just kidding!

"As the proud - but tired - father of 6 children..."

OMG! I would never dream of asking you if you had any kids! Why would you bring that up in a CV? If you don't get the job, will you accuse us of discriminating against people with children?

How can you be a senior leader and not understand the Equality Act and the impact it has on interview questions?

Young at heart

The UK has particularly strong laws prohibiting discrimination. I don't want to be in a position where my involuntary biases are tweaked by something you've written. Sure, it's helpful to know the rough dates you worked at a job, but that's about it.

So it was weird to see a number of CVs which prominently listed the candidate's date of birth! What am I supposed to do with that information? There's nothing I can (legally) do with it.

Religion and Politics

2007-2008. Arstotzkan Military - Signals and Intelligence. As part of my mandatory military service, I was compelled to enlist. I would like to state that I am completely against Arstotzka's annexation of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick and, furthermore....

I'm not going to judge you on your religion. I don't want to know your religion. If you list your hobbies as singing in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, I might be able to determine it.

In the eye of the beholder

Photos on CVs. It isn't a beauty contest! OK, I might be able to guess your gender and ethnicity from your name and the university you attended - but a photo makes it pretty obvious. Again, I'm meant to be judging you on your achievements - not the colour of your hair or whether you can Photoshop out any blemishes.

I have mixed feelings about beautiful design templates for CVs. They can look spectacular - but instinctively makes me think it's style over substance. That was proved with a couple of the CVs which were bright and colourful but contained very little information.

CVs like this are creative works of art. But when I'm comparing two candidates' CVs to see which has lead the bigger team - I value clarity over aesthetics.

Great Skills🔗

I hate these "level up" style skill sheets.

What does 3 stars mean? Compared to who? Accredited by who? These are totally arbitrary and a complete waste of time.

Oh, and why would you put a skill on there that you don't think you're any good at?

Broken links and bad formatting

It's really common for CVs to include links - whether it's to your employer's homepage, your open source code, or a YouTube video of your recent award-winning talk. Great! But make sure they work. Several CVs had links which either went to broken sites, or obviously wrong locations.

All modern roles require you to be detail oriented. If you can't check the links on your application, will you pay attention to the details on important work matters?

Formatting a CV is hard. And Microsoft Word loves moving around those bullets and margins. But if you aspire to be a senior digital leader, you've got to know this stuff. We don't have a phalanx of secretaries typing up our memos. Your CV doesn't have to be a work of art - but if your CV looks like it was written in three mutually incompatible word processing suites, perhaps you just don't care about how things look?

Are you going to produce readable documents for us? Based on this CV, it doesn't look hopeful.

A long time ago...

Should your CV include that summer job you had at university? Unless it is directly relevant to the application, your summer spent at Camp America can be dropped.

Even worse, a really accomplished applicant wrote 1 paragraph about their current high-impact job and 3 paragraphs about their photography job from 15 years ago!

I get that CVs are living documents, but they live to be edited. Yes, your first professional job taught you a lot and had a huge impact on your life and, yes, it's hard to sum up in a single paragraph. But that's going to be part of this job. Summarising large amounts of complex information into a readable format.

It's Showtime

None of these are showstoppers. We didn't drop any CVs into the bin because of these errors. But it certainly coloured my impression of the candidates.

For every line on your CV, have these two questions in mind:

1. Does this relate to the job I'm applying for?
2. Should I be judged on this aspect of my life?

However, after having just had a particularly disturbing encounter with a recruiter, I thought it might be worth stating these rules up front. These are personal to me - but I expect they apply pretty broadly to most people.

1. Don't email my work address.
2. Tell me who your client is up front.
3. Don't lie to me.
4. Don't alter my CV.
5. Don't "connect" on LinkedIn.
6. Spell my name correctly.

Let's take them in order.

Contact

Don't email me at work. You don't know if my boss monitors my email. You don't know if I'm in the middle of a presentation - where having an Outlook Pop-up of "New Role For You" could be a career limiting move.

This is just basic manners. I don't know a single reputable recruiter who would contact a prospective client at work.

Oh, and ringing my work number and telling the receptionist that you've got a job for me? Not smart.

Don't bother contacting me through my LinkedIn profile. If you can't find my phone number and email address, I don't want you representing me. I'm not going to add you as a contact until after you get me a job - although I'll happily introduce you to other suitable candidates if I can.

Who

I've pissed off a lot of recruiters by asking this simple question. I have my reasons.

To start with, there are certain companies I don't want to work for. In addition, I can't craft a CV or application unless I know who it is going to.

I've no desire to work hard on an application only to find out the role is for a company which tests cosmetic cigarettes on kittens.

Second, and more prosaically, I need to know where it is in order that I can see if I want to commute there.

Essentially, after a lot of effort, I don't want to find that you want me to work on the outskirts of Wapping for the News of the World.

Very occasionally, I let the recruiter play the "I can't tell you - but I'll give you a clue" game. That's where they don't break client confidentiality - but say "A large religious organisation whose nearest Tube station is Goodge Street." That way I don't waste anyone's time by applying to the Scientologists.

Don't Lie

Don't tell me you have a killer job at NASA when you don't. Because, regardless of the company, I'll check it out myself to see if the job really exists - or if you just want to put more clients on your books.

Don't say that they're looking for senior position when they want a junior.

Don't say they're willing to pay top-dollar. Give me the salary bands and let me discuss that with the company.

Don't say they're happy for me to serve a 3 month notice period - when they need someone to start ASAP.

Annoyingly, I've had all of the above happen to me.

My CV

I wouldn't claim my CV is a work of art - but I've spent some time perfecting it. It's designed to get me through the door and in to an interview - and it works.

I'm always happy to take advice about what sort of parts to emphasise but I'm not going to drastically change it.

If you really want me to take off my phone number and email address, I won't. Any competent company will Google me to find it.

Do not, under any circumstances, alter what I put on there. If I go to an interview am asked about something which I didn't include on my original CV, I will not be best pleased.

I now, as a rule, only provide PDF CVs. That way, there's less chance of a recruiter altering my work.

LinkedIn

If I haven't worked with you - I'm not going to connect with you. If nothing else, it sends off a big red flag to my co-workers that I'm planning on moving.

If you try to connect to me on LinkedIn, it tells me two things about you.

1. You're too cheap to buy InMail. You don't need to send me a bogus request - you can pay to email me.
2. You couldn't be bothered to do an Internet search for my email address.

In either case, the answer is the same; "no"!

Spelling

Bonus! Suggested by Mat Stace.

If a job pimp sends unsolicited email, and spells your name incorrectly, it's fine to be a bit rude in your reply, right?

I get this so often. My name is "Terence". Get the right number of Es and Rs, please. Note: the letter A should be conspicuous in its absence.

Conclusion

I'm always happy to hear from recruiters - as long as they're happy to follow the above rules.

If I can't take the job you're offering, I'll be happy to recommend someone else.