You can't put a price on pure delight.
In Thailand you can get a perfectly decent Pad Thai and beer for a few hundred Baht. You can have an good pizza or freshly cooked burger for next to nothing. Food, in general, is cheap and cheerful. After a week of spring rolls and Tiger beer, we decided to treat ourselves to a fine-dining experience in the Michelin recognised Smokaccia Laboratory.
We opted for the nine-course(!) tasting menu - one regular and one vegan - with a pairing of both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks.
Let's get the cost out the way first - we paid around ฿16,000 (£380) and it was easily the best meal we've had anywhere in the world. The quality of the food even exceeded Gauthier Soho and the service was beyond that offered by the Chef's Table at The Savoy.
I'd like to walk you through the experience, so you can get a feel for why you should spend a ridiculous sum of money on several tiny portions.
As we entered the restaurant for our 18:00 reservation, we were greeted by name. It's a small thing, but it immediately made us feel warmly welcomed. There's was no awkward pause as a maître d' looked us up in a list, just a confirmation of our booking and dietary requirements, then an invitation to sit in the lounge.
Would we like a glass of Prosecco or sparkling non-alcoholic cocktail while we waited? But of course!
We were then presented with a cigar box each. As we opened them, smoke gently wafted out filling our noses with a delightful scent. Nestled inside was a small amuse-bouche - a perfect cracker topped with caviar. My vegan alternative had veggie-friendly caviar and was exquisite.
The waiters and sommelier all introduced themselves to us as they explained the food and how the evening would proceed. We were given flannels which were freshly sprayed with a signature scent to accompany the next course - and then we were ushered to meet the chef.
Luca Mascolo is a warm, funny, and gregarious host. He was eager to explain the concept of the restaurant and why each dish was created. He was passionate about ensuring that we had an amazing time and that the vegan food was equal in quality to the meat and fish dishes. Our first experience with his culinary madness was the "Campari bomb" - it literally exploded in my mouth and sent flavours dancing around my tongue. It is the first food that has actually made me giggle with childish delight.
This was swiftly followed by a tasting of the chef's tomato reduction. A perfect liquid appetiser.
We were guided to our table - we opted for the kitchen counter. There are several regular tables, but it was much more fun to be sat watching the magic of creation. Open-plan dining is nothing new, but the staff were so calm and synchronised that it felt like a meditative exercise watching them work in perfect unison.
The Smokaccia is the chef's signature focaccia. A fist-sized ball of bread, hard on the outside and impossibly pillowy on the inside. A sourdough creation of genius and perfect for soaking up the various oils and sauces served with the dishes.
What can be said about "An unusual event with Bertha"? I don't want to spoil the surprise so I'll just say this - I've never had a meal which made me laugh so much. Every moment - even reading the description - was pure joy. Why bother serving food in bowls when a ceramic egg-shell is much more fun! Almost as fun was watching it being served to other tables and seeing their reactions.
The truffle crunch was a little bite of ecstasy. This wasn't drenched in 2,4-dithiapentane - it was a perfect shaving of real truffle. To complement, I had the zero-waste potato dish. What kind of a chef thinks up potato ice-cream with red onion caramel? Again, either the chef or waiter came over to personally explain the order in which the dishes should be eaten and all the ingredients which went in to its construction.
Nearly all the food comes from Thailand - with the exception of the balsamic vinegar and wine (both from Italy) - so the food-miles are negligible. The basil and eggplant honestly tasted like they'd been plucked fresh from the dirt not five-minutes previously.
The vegan "foie gras" was next. Traditional foie gras is neither ethical nor sustainable, so this is made with local vegetables in an attempt to recreate the flavour and texture. It is described as containing a "blood explosion" and, as my spoon pierced the pineapple-glass, a pop of bright red "blood" spurted out! Again, a incredible moment of both food science, whimsy, and surprise.
It isn't just that every mouthful is delicious; the dining experience is pure theatre and filled with moments that make you gasp with delight. Such as the "fois gras" being served on a misty "lake" filled with pebbles and flowers, and then being presented with a "fortune cookie" from the goose.
There was a choice of "main" course although - as with any fine dining experience - it was barely more than a few bites. But what a few bites! Writing this, it seems silly to be so in love with a carrot but I don't care! I loved every nibble of that carrot mixed with kombucha and wasabi leaf. I grinned like a lunatic when the kombu/soy caviar pearls burst on my tongue.
A morsel of the most intense melon sorbet topped with bunt radicchio was the perfect end to the meal. A simple and fun palate cleanser. Of course there were further surprises in store!
There was a choice of desserts and both were vegan! Liz and I decided to get one each. I'm fairly sure that the impossible pistachio ice-cream was my favourite, but the dark chocolate and hazelnut was so precisely targetted to my taste-buds that I'd have to try them both again to make sure.
I wish I could remember all the tea options. Liz had the Tom Kah and I went for the ginger and honey. A little moment of calm in an over-exciting evening. We watched the chefs prepare dishes for the now-bustling restaurant.
It is amazing how full you can feel after eating just a few bites over two-and-a-half hours. I suspect the 18 course menu would have been overwhelming. How we found room for the petit fours I can't possibly imagine.
I do know how I found room for the liquid nitrogen "cooked" coconut though - humans have a separate ice-cream stomach. That's just science. Also, I've never had fermented watermelon rind before and I can't understand how my life has been complete without it.
Chef Mascolo kept making sure that we were satisfied, he was happy to chat about the processes behind the food and why he is so keen to bring a high-quality dining experience to Phuket. His home-brewed limoncello was far removed from the thick and sickly syrup which is usually proffered at the end of an Italian meal. This was a thin, light, and highly spiced twist on the classic. A perfect end to a perfect meal.
Of course, the restaurant still had some surprises for us - including a rather touching "thank you" and a cute little gift-bag to send us on our way. We were exhausted from smiling and laughing so much. Every single bite made us incredibly happy. Fine dining can be a serious and solemn experience - this felt like being in the playground of a mad professor who just wants to have fun with your taste-buds and your heart.
I'm not saying that you should stop what you're doing right now, fly to Phuket, and have the best meal of your life. I'm merely saying that if you value inventive food, prepared by a team of experts with an obsessive eye for detail, presided over by a man who obviously values creating an inclusive and joyful experience - then you should reserve a table now.
The Smokaccia isn't merely a food laboratory - it is a happiness laboratory.
