Is it possible to "die well"? We have midwives for births, should we have "deathwives" for the other end of our lives? I think this book was recommended to me in the depths of the pandemic. I was too much of a chicken to read it while those around me were dying. The book aims to normalise the process of death and mostly succeeds. Unlike a lot of books, it doesn't just identify a problem - it provides pages of solutions. Every chapter ends with a series of questions to ask yourself (or your loved ones) about death.
At times, it is utterly heartbreaking and more than a little gruesome. Death is emotionally and physically distressing. Similarly, there are several stories which deal with the reality of assisted dying. I think the author comes down against euthanasia - but it certainly helps raise questions of whether repeatedly offering the option amounts to pressuring them into an unwanted decision.
It is a bit homespun and cloying. I felt like it painted quite a rosy picture of what death can look like. All the nurses are angels and the doctors have endless patience, there's always time for a cuppa and deathbed revelations are never awkward.
Oh, and there's a lovely aside about memorial benches being harbingers of doom, which I found quite amusing!
This will probably sit unread on your ebook for far too long - but it is worth cracking it open and thinking about the questions it raises.
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ISBN: 9780008210892
3 thoughts on “Book Review: With the End in Mind - Dying, Death and Wisdom in an Age of Denial by Kathryn Mannix”
@Edent I guess we sort of have “deathwives” in the form of hospice nurses?
I have a close family member who is nearing the end of their life, and I’m gobsmacked how much assistance we’re being offered, and how caring it is.
With all the NHS cuts, I grateful they're still managing to treat those at the ends of their lives with so much love and dignity.
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Keith Nasman
Thanks for this Terence! In my are of the US Pacific Northwest, there are death doulas to. My wife's friend taught an obituary workshop last weekend and I attended in support. She had never taught it before and was overjoyed that 24 souls showed up. She came to doing this from a geneology standpoint, noting that obituaries are key in family lineages. The handout was just one page, front and back about how you write one. The most empowering thought was that she gave us permission to write our own obituary, the day we die, cause of death, who preceded us in death, etc. It only makes sense that one should write down what they want to be remembered for. For me, the additional benefit was to have me think about how I can improve the qualities now that I'd like to be remembered for.
Maybe something like this could be a warm up for the messiness of actually dying.
I like to think that I did what I told my terminal patients at the start of my interaction with them. “I promise that you will have as good a death as is possible, and that is my responsibility”.
I know I tried my best to fulfil that.
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