It isn't who you know - it's who knows you

I'm terrible at networking. I forget people's names minutes after meeting them, I never have business cards and lose the ones I'm given, and I can't go five minutes without burbling some nonsense. But I recognise that networking is a skill and, like any skill, it takes practice to succeed.

I've always been told that success isn't always about what you know, but more about who you know. So how does someone who is introverted, bad at small talk, and terrible at sending follow-up emails get to know people?

The answer, as always, is to let other people do the hard work.

I realise that asking lottery-winners for advice on how to pick your numbers is not a reliable method for becoming a millionaire - but I'd like to explain how I network and where it has got me.

Several years ago, I lost my job. I knew it was coming, but it still felt shitty. At midday, I rang my wife, told her what had happened and said that I was coming home.

"What about your presentation tonight?" she said. I'd forgotten that I had a Mobile Monday talk in my diary. Frankly, I couldn't think of anything worse than standing up in a room full of employed people and bleating on about my side projects.

"Nah. I'm just not up for it," I said.

"Look, you never know who is going to be there. You can enjoy your unemployment tomorrow."

So, I did the talk. I chatted with people (whose names I instantly forgot), picked up business cards (which are still in a pile somewhere), and drank a bit too much free wine. Then went home to cry.

A few days later, I had an interview with a trendy new startup! The very first thing that the CEO said to me was "Nice to meet you - I loved your talk at Mobile Monday last week!"

I got the job. Not necessarily because of how awesome a speaker I am - but it certainly helped that I received a round of applause from people in the industry.

Several months later and I was touting for work again. A casual acquaintance told me her firm was hiring. I went in to meet the manager and, again, almost the first thing she said was "We saw your talk at Mobile Monday - it was great!"

Two birds - one stone 🙂

More recently, I've got speaking gigs because people have said that they've watched my talks online. I've had more interviews where people have asked for me by name after reading one of my blog posts. I've had journalists call me up for "expert commentary" because they've seen that I've been posting on social media knowledgeably about a specific subject.

Relentless self-promotion is exhausting and - I think - off-putting to most of your audience. That's not the aim here.

So here are my vague thoughts on how to get people to know you:

• Don't talk about yourself - talk about what interests you.
• Don't insert yourself mindlessly into a conversation - build up a rapport with people you admire.
• Don't be a "brand" - people see through that.
• Do put yourself out there - go to events where you have only a vague interest in the subject.
• Do ask. Tell people you'd like to present, or write a blog post, or help them organise.
• Do be prepared to fail. Most people won't remember the things which go wrong; but the effort pays dividends.