All too relatable. I grew up with the mentality that you should always pay what something is worth, especially when it comes from friends, but don't charge others for your own labor. It is a toxic kind of double standard that leaves you in a worse position than you otherwise would be at no benefit to your friends. I struggle with this a lot myself, it is even hard to ask for a raise at work and it took me forever to start promoting my ko-fi on my website (there is a link to it somewhere I think) because it feels wrong to talk about money unless I'm the one giving it. Don't let it eat at you and only give what you reasonably can of youreself.