Toilet Review! Better Bathrooms Smart Toilet Seat


I want to make one thing **very** clear. Despite my propensity for IoT gadgetry, I did not connect my toilet to the Internet!

It's 2024. Why are you still scraping your arsehole with paper like some kind of 20th century throwback? A decade ago, I got a cheap bidet attachment. It wasn't great. The water was cold, the fittings leaked, and the plastic was creaky.

For our recent bathroom renovation, I decided that I wanted to get a proper Japanese style toilet with integrated bidet and all the technology I could find.

That didn't quite pan out. You can pay literally thousands of pounds for a "smart" toilet. And if you want the seat separately, that can cost several hundred quid as well. As much as I value my posterior, I didn't fancy paying through it!

But, with diligent research, I found one for £300 - that included the toilet, cistern, and smart seat.

It has blinkenlights!

What it does

Oh! A whole bunch! It offers rear and front wash - with an adjustable angle. It warms the water to your preferred temperature. While it is washing, it can oscillate and massage. And the whole thing can be controlled by a couple of built-in buttons, or a relatively simple remote control.

Wireless remote. Control your smart toilet using the handy integrated control buttons, or the wireless magnetic remote. The remote also comes with a convenient holder that attaches to a wall. Self-cleaning hose. This intelligent toilet is incredibly hygienic. It automatically cleans itself before use or every 72 hours when not in use to eliminate bacteria. Set your ideal hose position to one of five angles. The hose is concealed within the toilet seat when not in use. The white nightlight automatically turns on when low light is detected. This means you’ll find it easier to fall asleep after a night-time trip to the loo. Enjoy a hygienic cleaning experience choose from a front, rear or front and rear wash. The built-in sensor ensures wash and dry functions will only occur while you're seated. In a power cut, this toilet will function like a regular toilet. Choose between five water temperature settings (31-39°C). Then, select one of five spray wash modes to find your preferred level. Enjoy maximum hygiene and easy installation with a quick release seat. This design is quick and easy to remove and to aid easy cleaning of the seat and toilet itself.

There's also a little hatch for putting in some limescale remover, and a drain hole if you need to empty the bidet's tank - so should be pretty good for maintenance.

The remote has a magnetic holster which can be stuck to a nearby surface.

Oh, and there's a handy night-light.

A dark room. An ethereal glowing light emanates from the bowl of a toilet. Possibly leading sailors to their doom.

What it doesn't

At this price, there are limits to the technology. The seat isn't heated. The toilet lid doesn't automatically open or close. It doesn't play a little tune while you're going about your business. There's no air-dryer to remove excess water from your botty. No UV light sterilisation. The flush is manual - although it is dual control. It won't spray perfume into the water after a particularly troublesome dump.

Although there's a remote, the number of buttons build in to the seat are limited - front, back, and stop.

And, crucially, there's no Internet or Bluetooth connectivity.

Look, I know you think I'm stupid. But I would have like to control it from my phone. I'm going to be taking it in there with me anyway, so why can't I open an app to load my water temperature preferences?

The tech

The remote control operates at 2460MHz - which should keep it safe from naughty reprobates who have a Flipper Zero. But I doubt it offers any significant protection against a determined hacker. If you have multiple loos, is possible to set the remote to a different ID to prevent accidental interference.

The main protection seems to be the buttock detection software. Using a small camera presence sensor, the bidet refuses to operate until you have wedged yourself on the throne.

The pump and heater aren't overly powerful, so I'm not too worried about a hacker blasting a jet of boiling hot water up where the sun don't shine.

Downsides

There are a few minor annoyances. The pump is a little on the noisy side. It is quieter than a flush, but the whirring is noticeable.

The plumbing is somewhat complicated. Our bathroom fitter said it wasn't the neatest design to fit. The water hose juts out a little from the side, as does the power cable. They then wrap behind the unit.

It does feel a little narrower than other loos I've used. But it is plenty big enough for me.

Verdict

I can't find anything online about the "Purificare" brand. I suspect this is a white-label product; there seem to be several similar variants around. So I've no idea how reliable they are.

I wasn't expecting miracles for £300 - but I'm pretty impressed! As a toilet, it does the job. It is solid and the flush is powerful enough for my vegetarian diet.

The bidet is delightful. I mean that sincerely! Having a pulsing jet of moderately warm water, washing away the shameful filth of your pitiful human body, is a sensory delight. My tush has never been cleaner and my toilet-paper bills are much reduced.

If, like me, you spend more time on the bog than is strictly necessary, this is a reasonably priced accessory and will make even the most urgent visit to the smallest room a relaxing and pleasant experience.

Verdict

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