Why I'm using "Mx" as a title
By @edent
· gender · 24 comments · 350 words · read ~607 times.
I am not non-binary. I am cis-gendered - and pretty much the definition of "default male".
And yet, whenever I encounter a form which has it as an option, I select my title to be "Mx".
I've even stopped my usual practice of choose His Excellency - much to the dismay of my postie, I'm sure!
Why though? I've got two good reasons and one silly one.
The first is selfish. My gender and marital status are no-one's business other than mine and my spouse's. I don't care if it messes with your demographic data. You do not need to know which chromosome configuration I'm rocking in order to deliver a parcel to me.
The second is selfless. It helps normalise things for my enby friends. The more times people see this title in the wild, the less remarkable it will be. It's no different to referring to one's husband or wife as "partner".
Finally, as a Certified Agent of Chaos, I rather enjoy the small pause that people make when addressing me on the phone. How do you pronounce "Mx"?0 It isn't entirely obvious. And the title is still new enough that I've had more than one person tell me the computer has made a mistake and they'll correct it!
I hope this doesn't come across as me wanting to cosplay as a minority. I just don't want to live in a boring monochrome world of strictly defined binaries - and I want to make it slightly easier for people to be themselves.
Next time you're filling in a form, why not try picking Mx as your title. What's the worst that could happen?
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Personally, I don't want it pronounced. If you're talking to me by phone then something has gone very wrong. ↩︎
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@Edent "Dr." Is also an acceptable alternative, I think
@Edent Have been doing the same for a couple of years now, for the same reasons (the first two, anyway).
An American coworker mentioned a while back that British companies ask for a title far more than US ones do, which was surprising. Either way it's completely uncalled for.
Michele says:
I don’t understand the point of titles anyway. Everyone should just use their first and last name… that’s it
Not everybody has a first and last name either! 🙂
Names are complicated: https://www.w3.org/International/questions/qa-personal-names — well worth to read the whole page!
@Edent throws me every time i fill a form that offers “Master/Dr/Lord/Sir/…” but no Mx
my letting agent can’t wrap their heads around Mx, but at least DVLA and my GP were able to handle it 6~yrs ago (wonderful to consider it’s been a year+ since i deed polled myself, too :3)
appreciate you trying to normalise these things 💚 today’s gender often is using developer tools to force Mx into <select> dropdowns
@Edent I think it's valid to "wear the colours" of those you are allied with. I wear a trans flag badge but I'm not trans. I think I'll copy your idea of using Mx, for the same reason I tell people my pronouns - to make telling people your pronouns normal.
On a related note, I'm vegan, my wife is not, almost every time the waiter will offer the vegan meal to her first. General based assumptions are weird.
@Edent This is similar to why I list my pronouns as he/they. While I primarily identify as male (he), I remain uncomfortable with the concept of binary gender, and want to help normalize those who identify as non-binary. I don’t often get asked to choose a title, but if Mx is given as an option I always choose it. Otherwise, I am stuck with choosing my old standby, Rev. (thanks to my ordination in the ULC many years ago). I suppose I could also use The Honorable, as I am a Justice of the Peace, but that option is rarely given.
@Edent I’ve used “Rev” for ages. Causes some occasional confusion.
I do love your footnotes.
@Edent as a non binary person this is just nice to see; keep being excellent!
@Edent I do exactly this, except in the library catalog where I have identified myself as "wizard"
@Edent the footnote is perfect. 💖
GothBoyUK says:
This post brought back memories of infant school when we were being taught how to write letters and, by extension, use pronouns. One of the things we were told was that we could use 'Mx' when it was not known how to address the person (mainly if we didn't have any details of gender). It happily sat alongside the older terms of 'Master' and the like. It wasn't mentioned as a neologism.
We were also told to refer to someone by 'they' if we didn't know their pronouns, especially if they were not well known to us. It was a strict no-no to use 'she' to anyone who wasn't still a young girl. If you did, it was met with "Who's 'she', the cat's mother?". It was like using an insult.
It never seemed to be a big deal to a child (probably age 6-8 when we were taught 'proper' letter writing). This was back in the mid-80s and we were being taught by people who were born during WW2 or earlier. I wonder why there's so much fuss about refusing to acknowledge chosen pronouns nowadays. It's so simple!
@Edent t
I chose whatever is first on the form, so I'm mostly mister
@Edent in my very first office job, letters went out to all the on-the-road salespeople inviting them to the Christmas party. They were allowed to invite a +1. All they needed to do was tick the box in the RSVP indicating their partner would also attend.
One person sent their RSVP back with “partner” angrily crossed out multiple times, with the box ticked and the legend “wife” handwritten above it.
I think about this from time to time.
That's awesome; good for you. I don't suppose this might have been in-part inspired by my blog post about doing the same, which I shared with you earlier in the year as a comment on your post about the order of title options?
Interestingly, I came across a title field recently that tolerated me using my browser debug tools to "add" Mx as a valid title, and let me submit the form... but completely broke the company in question's back-end systems after the fact. Whoops! A lesson for their developers to never trust that data from users has been pre-sanitised unless you already pre-sanitised it!
@edent says:
Indeed! And, like you, I've been doing it for several years.
Sadly, I've yet to find a site which lets me inject my own title!
First site I managed to use my debugger to add Mx was actually HMRC's website, back before they provided Mx as an option. I was delighted to receive confirmation of my tax return addressed to me by that title!
Just keep trying, every time you find a terrible site. The one that annoys me the most right now is Confused.com, which requires that you select from "Mr", "Miss", "Ms", "Mrs", "Dr (Male)", or "Dr (Female)". I can see why they do so (some car insurers still make decisions based on gender, and some of those derive gender from title rather than asking for what they actually want to know), not least because I had a conversation with somebody from Confused.com about this particular policy (and they pointed a finger at insurers!), but it still gave me significant feelings of rage.
Flyn says:
Yes, it comes across as cosplay. Sorry.
A person's title is not indicative of their chromosomes.
The link you used on "enby" even clearly states that many non binary don't like being called "enby", but you used it anyway. Did you read the thing you linked to?
Please do all the data edgelordery you like, but please don't do it in the name of being an LGBT ally if you're going to write such shortsighted things about trans and non binary people.
Thanks.
@edent says:
Hi Flyn, Thank you for your polite and well reasoned reply. I'm sorry that it comes across as cosplay. I hope you understand that it wasn't my intention - but I understand you found it distasteful. I agree with you that a title is not indicative of one's chromosomes. There are plenty of gender neutral titles like Dr, Professor, etc. The link says that "some people" don't like it. Therefore some people do. And, judging from my friends, they are comfortable with it. Finally, as per your subsequent message, I didn't delete your comment. All comments are pre-moderated before publication. I'll make that clearer on the form to avoid confusion. Thanks for sharing your opinion.
Flyn says:
Thank for your reply, Terence.
Just to clarify, my issue with your "chromosomes" comment is not about Dr, Professor etc. It's actually about the fact that, for example, a trans man could have xx chromosomes and yet have the title Mr, meaning a title (any title) has absolutely nothing to do with chromosomes. Apart from this, as you have so many non binary friends, I'm surprised you are not up to date with current thinking around bringing "chromosomes" into conversations around gender. It's generally done when attempting to remind trans and nb people of the "immutability" of their "biological sex". Unfortunately, you seem to be stating a similar thing here by implying that "Mr" is an indicator of chromosomes, when it is very much not, and absolutely should not be.
In other words, nobody sending you a parcel has any idea about your chromosomes unless they demand to test your DNA before they send you anything.
Thank you for amending your form. At the moment, it looks like comments appear then instantly disappear, as if they have been moderated immediately.
Lau says:
The "traditional" titles do need updating to be more inclusive. It is creepy that many members of society demand to know the genitals of people they don't know.
Gender-neutral means that it can be used irrespective of gender, hence why also people can refer to me with any gender-neutral pronouns they feel like, as well as those who match my social gender.
I had a losing battle at work trying to make them justify why we are even asking for the honorific title of our customers even though we never address them with it. By all means, pollute that data pool, we shouldn't be collecting that in the first place!
What title do you use when filling in forms? Mr? Mrs? Ms? Or something newer and more incluside?
Why do companies want to know my title? What are they going…
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