Top 10 reasons to attend an all-male event

There's been lots of talk recently of the dearth of women attending technical conferences. This problem is blown out of all proportion! There are many excellent reasons to attend an all-male tech event:

  1. Reduced chance of having an affair while away on business
    • ⚤ Hetrosexuals only!
  2. Won't accidentally mistake a CEO for a cocktail waitress
    • 💁🍸 embarrassing!
  3. Excellent networking opportunities in the long queue for the men's toilets 🚽🚹
    • ⚣ Possible risk of inadvertent homosexuality!
  4. Impossible to sexually harass people who aren't there
    • 📵 Still possible via social media though! 🤳
  5. Getting blind drunk and pissing in a public fountain is unlikely to upset anyone of a delicate constitution
    • Watch out for lady-policemen! 👮‍♀️
  6. No distracting breasts. Dudes never say "My eyes are up here!"
    • Pectoral muscles should be admired, obviously! 🏋️‍♂️
  7. "Guys" is a perfectly acceptable term for a group of people.
    • Goes double if any of them are actually named "Guy"! 🤼‍♂️
  8. The strippers you oggle at a supplier's exhibition booth don't have an intimidating amount of technical knowledge
    • Do double check they're not spies though! 👯‍♀️🕵️
  9. All the t-shirt shwag will be properly sized for your manly body
    • Although you won't be able to bring one home for the missus! 👕
  10. Chaps are just better!
    • ♂️♂️♂️

Look, do I need to spell out that this is satire? Well, it would be, if it weren't so terrifyingly real.

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