I have a similar problem in that I have (a) large numbers of smart gadgets and (b) a wife who (almost) never carries a smartphone and would be scared to ask Alexa to do anything. My solution is to install only those systems that also have a non-app physical control. I bought lots of Hue lights once they started making Zigbee switches. I bought an Evohome system because it has a controller on the wall and can be adjusted from the radiators too. This wouldn't quite work for everything and doesn't negate your very valid complaints! But it means our guests can turn the lights on and off and change the temperature in their room!