[This was the Friday Giggle sent to Vodafone UK Grads last week. Enjoy!]
Welcome to the New and Improved "Noise!" Your official guide to what's going on in the mobile industry.
Rapid Increase in Product Numbers
The mobile phone industry was thrown into chaos last week as Sharp made public its plans to launch what it described as "a massive amount of numbers."
Rumours began to fly that their new handset would be the "GX-50000", Sony Ericcson quickly countered by launching the "T69999999", with Nokia swiftly launching the "N-77777717777777i".
Not to be outdone Sagem brought forward plans for their "MY-V-One-Billion-Trillon-Squillion", at which point Motorola stole the show by demonstrating its new "M-Infinity".
Rumours that NEC are planning an "NEC Infinity-Squared-Plus-One" have yet to be confirmed.
Vodafone Ducks To Be Outsourced
In a stunning move that sent its share price soaring, Vodafone UK announced that with immediate affect it was outsourcing the HQ Ducks to India.
Said one unnamed exec, "Indian ducks quack 3 times louder and cost 50% less - it's only natural for us to move the ducks there to save money! We've consulted very widely with the duck community and will find them alternative employment... possibly as a Meal of the Day."
But, according to some, the ducks feel very bitter about the move. One ducking was heard to say "Quack quack quack-quack? Quack quack! QUACK!"
3G Launch Confirmed!
Vodafone wowed the technology world by releasing plans of its long-awaited 3G launch.
3G will be launched when "Jeremy The Magic Elf says so".
Jeremy, the dice-playing mascot of Vodafone since its launch in 1644 as on off-shoot of the Priory-of-Scion, makes most of the day-to-day decision about the running of the company.
It is believed that the 3G launch will occur once Jeremy rolls a double-three. Observers note that whenever Jeremy rolls a double-six on his magic dice Vodafone gets another go.
***STOP PRESS*** ALL VODAFONE BALL TICKETS ALLOCATED !!!
This just in! Everyone who wants a Vodafone ball ticket has got one! Apart from you!
That's right everyone (apart from you) is going to the biggest party of the year. It's such a shame you won't be there - but, rest assured, we'll all be thinking of you.
Oh, man! It's going to be so cooooool! We're going to be talking about it for months afterwards and you're not going to be able to join in with our conversations. We'll be all like "Hey! Do you remember, at the ball..." and you'll be like "No, man. Everyone went apart from me!" And we'll be like "Ha! Sucks to be you!"
[Thanks to all contributors. The above in no way represents Vodafone or any named party. Any similarity to anything is coincidental. So there.]
(Imported from my old blog)