Fantasy Casting for Harry Potter - Tim Curry as Gilderoy Lockhard

This is a necropost - resurrected from one of my ancient USENET posts. I can only apologise...

On the other hand, Tim Curry as Lockhart... (pictures Harry dashing into Lockhart's office, and seeing him wearing a Merry Widow bustier and high heels. Begins giggling hysterically.)

(To the tune of "Sweet Transvestite" by Richard O'Brian)

(Gilderoy Lockhart) Don't get strung out by the way that I look Don't judge a Wizard by his cloak, I'm no good with a wand, by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a bloke!

I'm just a no good wizard (no good wizard) From Hogwarts, Birmingham.

Let me show you my wand and maybe, play around, I can tell that you're all pretty spooky! Or if you want something tragic That isn't too magic We could take in an old Nancy Stroufller book!

(Harry Potter) I'm glad you're not foul, Could we use your owl? We're both in a bit of a hurry. We'll sign the release form, Then go back to our dorm, We don't want to be any worry.

(Gilderoy Lockhart) Well you got caught with a imp, Don't be such a wimp, Well kiddies, I will wake up, By the light of my smile Which shines for a mile, I'll help when I've put on my make-up!

I'm just a no good wizard (no good wizard) From Hogwarts, Birmingham.